Raw Reflections from the Journey

Miracles I'm willing to work for (aka, New Year's Resolutions)

2011-12-27T06:02:00.000-08:00

Sounds a little off, doesn't it? Miracles I'll work for? By definition, a miracle is something beyond the norm, and usually not something you bring about for yourself, but follow me for a minute (or two).

Typically, New Year's Resolutions are desires for something different because a person is sick of the way things are. So, typically, a statement of resolve goes something like this, "Next year, I'm not going to..." That's a set up for failure because its about eliminating some type of activity or behavior. Better is a statement of what one IS going to do. "Next Year I'm going to eat low cholesterol proteins toward the goal of developing a more lean body, and healthy cardiovascular system."

An even better and more successful way to accomplish goals is to visualize the end result and the benefits of achieving that end. "Next year, by June 2012, I will be cycling with the strongest group of riders in my hometown at or near the same body weight that I was when racing ten years ago." There are a lot of do's and don'ts embedded in that goal, but the way its said increases the probability that it will become a reality. And, it becomes more desirable as something I'll work for as I visualize myself doing this and enjoy some emotional imagination about how it will feel.

As 2011 winds down with a big accomplishment (Publishing our book, "Marriage Coaching: Heart Hope and Skills for a Great Relationship") and a big loss (my father's passing on Nov. 28), I've been moved to consider what I want for the next season of life and the action-steps to make those desires a reality. The tired language of "New Year's Resolutions" just isn't cutting it for me, and some of my desires seem so big that I think they would be on the order of a miracle and would also require my cooperation to bring them about and sustain them, thus the lingo, "Miracles I'm willing to work for."

I came to this partially from experience in our counseling and coaching practice, Grace and Truth, this past year as we watched many miracles unfold. One was particularly poignant.

A person w/ life-long addiction came to a head when they attempted to purchase heroin. The deal went bad, and the buyer was slashed with a knife. The cut was millimeters from a major artery. Sobered by the near death experience, they prayed for Jesus to take the desire to get high. A week later, with bandages still in place, they appeared in my office with family for a pre-treatment evaluation. "I'm healed. I haven't had any cravings at all.", they said, in part because they didn't see the need for treatment since the desire to use had abated. "Great!" we exclaimed in celebration about the miraculous cure Jesus had administered.

"Now" I argued, "Let's begin an aggressive course of treatment to help you to steward your miracle". My tact was appreciated by a long suffering family. "God has graced you with the absence of craving to get high again. Now, let's support that with education about all the ways you can steward this with time-tested principles and behaviors that will help to support enduring sobriety."

The end of this story is happy, so far. Indeed, it appears that a miracle was wrought in this person's life, AND the follow-up treatment to educate about ways to handle any temptations to relapse, as well as development of healthy personal habits and disciplines and growth in interpersonal communication and conflict resolutions skills has been the due diligence on the back end of the miracle that supports it.

Make sense?

Perhaps you feel like you need a miraculous break-through in an area of life that has long plagued and troubled you? Or you'd like to return to a level of functioning or fitness (not just physical, but also perhaps spiritual, mental, relational, etc.)?

My conversation with the Lord recently has been to confide desires in several areas (physical, spiritual, professional) that I don't think will happen until they begin with the provision of supernatural grace. "Lord, here are some miracles I'm willing to work for. Would you begin by initiating them with desire or removing desire, and then give me the grace, desire and strength to say yes and no to the habits and activities that will steward the miracle?"

What are miracles you'd be willing to work for? What is the eventuality that you want to realize, and backing up from that (its 5 months till June for me), what do you need to start or stop doing, and do more or less that will make your desire a reality?

I've dared to write out my list, and I'm praying over it every morning, working as if the attainment of these goals depends on me, and praying for God's miraculous grace as if it depends on Him!

God bless,

Jeff

Laid to Rest

2011-12-11T03:41:00.000-08:00

We laid my father to rest yesterday. Finally, closure on a long and painful illness.

It's pretty surreal to carry your father to his final resting place. A gray casket draped by a flag from the University he loved (Wittenberg), after a long but fitting service that featured music by choirs he trained and conducted and solos by him that included "The Lord's Prayer" and "How Great Thou Art". It was impossible not to sob. Dad sang The Lord's Prayer at our Wedding, and yesterday's service concluded with all of us joining him in the chorus of all four stanzas of How Great Thou Art. How fitting to hear him sing, one last time, and to join in praise for the One he served and sang about his entire life.

I'm stunned by how hard this is. I was warned, but didn't get it until I was on this side of it. "Losing a parent is really hard" the survivors said. "Wow". I didn't know how hard.

Three weeks ago I spoke at "Hope for the Holidays" for the funeral home that served our family. Littleton and Rue (www.littletonandrue.com) holds an annual service for the families they've served. This years service was Nov. 19th. I shared that my father was in hospice. Nine days later I joined the ranks of the survivors I spoke to.

What's so hard about this? The finality, obviously. No more phone calls, visits, "I love you dad", "I love you and I'm proud of you, son". No more actual conversations and experiences, only memories.

I shared the following at the funeral.

"Did you ever know a man to fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run as fully as my father? His was a life dedicated to fulfilling the legacy of his namesake, John Wesley (John Wesley Williams) who exhorted all he influenced with the following, 'Do as much good as you can for as many as you can, as well as you can, as long as you can'. Many of you have been saying that JW was a great man. Part of what made him great was that he believed that each of us was born for greatness too, and he dedicated himself to exhorting us to fulfill our God appointed destinies even while he was fulfilling his, which included him calling us forward to our own unique greatness. On behalf of our entire family, I thank you for coming to honor and celebrate my father's life and to enjoy the fabulous music God made him to make, one last time." And then I read Psalm 100.

I'm glad the service was long; almost 90 minutes. But it wasn't long enough. As each part of the program was concluded it was clear that dad was going to stop singing, and there would be no more, at least not in this life. We have the recordings, and they are marvelous, but we'll have to wait for the beginning of our own adventure in eternity to see and enjoy him again.

It's helpful to write. And thank you for reading.

Sleep in Jesus, dad. i love you. Jeff

Surfing and Sobbing: Sudden Shifts in the Grieving Process

2011-12-11T03:13:00.000-08:00

You've either lost a parent, or you probably will. But the loss might not have been death, but some other sudden and significant loss or change in life. Whatever or whomever you've lost, you're probably familiar with grief and its varied expressions and emotions.

My dad died on Nov. 28; one week ago tomorrow evening. And it's been hard; harder than I expected. Others who've lost parents warned of this, but I excepted myself. "Dad and I have had the conversations we needed to have; differences have been resolved and appreciations expressed. "It won't be a big deal when he graduates to his eternal adventure", I reasoned. But it has been a big deal. I've had many more deep feelings and much more disruption to life than i expected.

I've encouraged clients throughout my career to expect 'waves' of grief, and to lean into them when they arrive. "Let yourself go with your thoughts and feelings. Don't suppress the feelings, or distract yourself." It's not always pleasant, but the alternative is to stuff and avoid feelings, medicate them with some type of distraction or mood altering experience or substance, etc. In other words, unhealthy alternatives even if they do temporarily relieve distress.

Friends and clients have said that my comparison of ocean waves to waves of grief has been helpful. Imagine sitting in the surf with your back to the ocean. Is this a game you've played? I do every time I get the chance to be at the beach. Waves come in one after the other. In between there are peaceful lapses, but then another comes. Some are gentle, but some are strong. Once in awhile big ones surprise you and even come up and over you. Grief is like this. Waves of emotion come in one after another. Some are gentle and some are strong. The healthy thing to to is to let yourself go with the waves of grief when they come. Think the thoughts and feel the feelings. I know, it hurts. Burning eyes, lump in the throat. But there's one way through grief, and its through it.

The pain will eventually subside. Time does heal. The waves may come in pretty strong from time to time, triggered by different thoughts, sites and sounds. But if you allow yourself to go through the process not only will you will be cooperating with God's plan for the process; to fully absorb and integrate the magnitude of your loss into your life, and thereby be prepared to live on.

With love, from one mourner to another

(I began this on Dec. 5, but didn't have the heart to finish it until today, Dec.11)

About Face, Serving and Suffering

2011-11-17T03:24:00.000-08:00

Got a bit distracted with the Acts of God in my own life the past few days; opportunities to serve as a counselor, proffering God's Grace and Truth to many desperate for a chance to try again, and His truth to be successful.

Acts 8 is Saul's sudden conversion. After Steven's death the Church scattered and "Saul went wild" persecuting the church. The blood on his hands from Stephen's death seemed to make him bloodthirsty. The language of The Message is poignant in regard to his angry incursions into homes of believers. Quite a contrast to the peaceful and harmonious fellowship they had been enjoying. Thus, Saul was feared.

But Jesus had had enough, and in one fell swoop stopped Saul dead in his tracks. "Why do you persecute me?" The Good Shepherd made a move to protect his flock, and in a surprising move, drafted a franchise player as His chosen man to take the Gospel to the Gentiles. Not surprisingly, this move was met with some doubt and consternation by those who'd know Saul as their nemesis.

But conscripted service isn't without a price, "Now I'll show him how much he must suffer for my name." Paul would now get to experience the other side of the persecution he'd perpetrated. Rejection and threats on his life were soon to come.

Still, Paul persisted in preaching, and eventually won the trust of believers.

What was it like to be Paul? His writings show increasing humility to his sinfulness. "Chief of Sinners" was a title he ascribed to himself. "Christ and Christ alone", "I want to know Christ, the power of his resurrection, have fellowship in his sufferings, and somehow attain to the ressurection from the dead". His passion turned 180 degrees from destruction of the Church to building and protecting it, all the while fully enjoying and passionately pursuing his own relational journey with Jesus.

For anyone with regrets Paul is an inspirational example, "Forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Paul had a lot to forget. Regrets were probably numerous, including his sanctioning of Stephen's murder...let that soak in. From Killer to Evangelist. It wasn't the first time a rabble rouser had been gripped by God and it won't be the last.

What do you have to forget? If in Christ Paul could do it, so can we. Time to do a bit more running of the race.

Jeff

Growing by leaps and bounds, men full of The Holy Spirit, Stephen’s death

2011-11-15T06:37:00.000-08:00

Things were going swimmingly. The Way was growing by leaps and bounds and then there was a snafu…accusation of discrimination in food distribution.

This wasn’t the first time the disciples had seen and experienced a problem in their ministry. Jesus had some pretty rough going, remember? And they’d stuck it out even when others left. They had on the job training and now the advantage of the Holy Spirit. They called a meeting and apparently agreed on an effective solution, because the next you know, they are continuing in prayer and teaching/preaching God’s word while men full of the Holy Spirit AND good sense were selected to manage the food distribution.

“and good sense” jumps off the page. It wasn’t qualification for leadership to be filled with the Holy Spirit. They needed “good sense” too. Lots to be said for that. Practical wisdom; probably a factor of maturity and experience…

The Calling Journey, Tony Stoltzfus (www.coach22.com, or www.thecallingjourney.com) emphasizes that one’s calling is shaped over time through life experiences that give us the opportunity to find our identity in Christ (as opposed to various roles and titles) and to depend wholly on God for direction, discernment, provision, etc. Many a lad and young lady set out to do great things for God, or yearn to, but lack life experience that seasons, conditions and ultimately provides the background needed for wisdom to be cultivated.

Interesting that men full of the Holy Spirit (and good sense) took food distribution seriously and did it well. What if they didn’t? The Way may have sputtered or had a lull, but rather, it continued full steam.

Then Stephen, (the same Stephen named first as one of the seven chosen to oversee the food distribution?) is targeted by jealous and mean spirited dissenters for public debate. “they tried to argue him down” from a position that many would aspire to; “..brimming with God’s grace and energy, was doing wonderful things among the people, unmistakable signs that God was among them.”

Why can’t good stories continue uninterrupted? Why does there always have to be a villain to spoil the day? You see it in movies all the time. Peaceful and loving scenarios interrupted by tragedy or evil. In Ghost (Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze) the young couple in love is headed home from a date, smiling, laughing, loving and the man is accosted by a mugger and killed. Sudden violence and death. Why?

It’s the reality of the world in which we live, eh? And the same today as then. Evidence of an enemy at work to taint and tarnish all that is good, beautiful and righteous.

Acts 7 depicts Stephen’s demise, but notice that he doesn’t go down without making further inroads for The Way, and it’s leader. Similar to Peter in earlier chapters, he seizes the opportunity to preach to an audience by describing the history and context of the appearance of Messiah. The chronology continues for some time, and nearly lulls the reader into complacency when Stephen applies the coup de grace to the audience, seeking the same type of repentant response that Peter and the others had obtained in earlier episodes of public preaching, “And you continue, so bullheaded! Calluses on your hearts, flaps on your ears! Deliberately ignoring the Holy Spirit, you’re just like your ancestors…”

Well, so much for a warm welcome and a polite audience. “At that point they went wild, a rioting mob of catcalls and whistles and invective. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, hardly noticed-he only had eyes for God, whom he saw in all his glory with Jesus standing at his side.”

Us preachers, teachers, writers and public speakers would be wise to take a lesson from this; to have eyes for God when presented with any opportunity to declare truth and to invite the unsaved to repentance. By doing so, we’ll make the most of every opportunity to present a life-saving message and truth; that God so love the world, that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believeth in Him would not perish, but have ever-lasting life…

Better to offend for a moment by confronting others with the disturbing truth that Jesus is Savior and Lord and that they (we) are sinners doomed to damnation unless and until we repent of sin and surrender to Him, than to offend them forever by NOT telling them.

Being careful to not offend was not the way for those of The Way when it first began, and so it shouldn’t be today.

Finally, following the example of Jesus, Stephen prayed for Jesus to take him, “Master Jesus, take my life”, and then his final worlds, “Master, don’t blame them for this sin”….Sounds a lot like “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” Stephen appears to have been a pretty good student, and so he didn’t miss his opportunity to live for Jesus and then to die for Him as the first Christian martyr.

Acts 5 - Sudden death, harmony, additions, healing, jail break and a whipping

2011-11-13T06:16:00.001-08:00

Could a single chapter pack any more information? The happenings in Acts 5 are worth an entire book!

First, there’s the duplicity of Annanias and Saphira. Bad choice to lie about money…not sure all the lessons to be learned, but The Message puts it this way, “God is not to be trifled with.”

It is interesting how this couple would dare to be duplicitous in the context of all they’d probably seen. They’d probably witnessed at least the results of the descent of the Holy Spirit onto and into the Apostles and all who were saved, the healings done by Peter and others, etc.

Striking them dead seems an Old Testament behavior by God, and not the grace-walk of Jesus who liberated sinners from death sentences (e.g., the woman caught in adultery). So why this severe response?

One thought is that He wanted to protect the purity of the fellowship that had just begun by sending a stern message about fidelity to Him and His way as the imperative for His presence and power in their lives; ‘follow me wholeheartedly and you will really, really live (preach, teach and heal in ways that compel others to live for me too), but live for self and manage your own affairs with your own wisdom instead of mine and you will die; sooner or later you will die.’ Both NT and OT teaching is about the destructive consequences of sin…so perhaps He thought it was a good timely and not so metaphorical reminder?

Then there’s the harmony of the believers. How did that happen? My thought is that it was the side effect of their focus worshipping Jesus and doing the Great Commission. Have you heard that a peace-time Army turns inward and has a lot more conflict during peace-time than during war? During war it comes together to work toward common goals, but in peacetime there is time and space to pick fights about essentially inconsequential matters…to me this is a possibly accurate analogy re: what it takes for harmony; focus on the main thing.

Then there’s a curious statement, “But even though people admired them a lot, outsiders were wary about joining them. On the other hand, those who put their trust in the Master were added right and left, men and women both.”

Why were they admired? For their steadfastness in the face of persecution? For the remarkable signs and wonders they performed? For their unity, harmony, generosity? All are unusual spectacles for sure. And it was pretty radical, “…outsiders were wary about joining them…” BUT, those who put their trust in Jesus were added right and left. Seems that once they had revelation of Jesus being who He said He is that fears about being identified as part of the persecuted “WAY” fell away. The remarkable unparalleled Jesus was worth following even if it cost them.

Healings were 100% it seems. WOW! Can you imagine how crowds would flock for such healing today? It seems that in the west we hear of an isolated miracle here and there but not entire outbreaks….why? If it happens at all couldn’t it happen en masse?

Jail break – if it was me breaking out I’d be laughing hysterically. “What’s next? Isn’t this a hoot? Can you imagine having any more fun? They can scold us, warn us, jail us, but unless they kill us they aren’t going to silence us or stow us away!” And don’t miss this point: The angel that opened the jail house door and led them out gave instructions to be followed immediately, “Go to the temple and take your stand. Tell the people EVERYTHING there is to say about this life!” Wow, now that must have taken awhile. That’s a lot to tell! And note that they were freed for a purpose, to proclaim the Gospel. We too are freed from sin for purpose, to make Him known and to walk fully and wholeheartedly in The Way.

And finally there’s another scolding, warning, and a whipping. “That ought to silence them…physical pain.” But the irrepressible disciples have an answer for that one, too!

“The apostles went out of the High Council overjoyed because they had been given the honor of being dishonored on account of the Name.”

Nothing was going to stop the spread of the good news and the growth of the number of those who would join “The WAY”. Nothing ever has…and nothing ever will!

Acts 4 - We Can't Help but Speak about What We've Seen and Heard!

2011-11-12T05:11:00.000-08:00

Acts 4 is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit continues on a roll of courageous preaching that has spectacular results! 5000 now believing in Jesus! Good thing he waited for the Holy Spirit just as Jesus instructed, “Wait for the Holy Spirit and then you will be able to do these things.” I think the same applies today regarding the beginning of ministries, churches and even speaking truth or exhortations in love, “Wait on the Holy Spirit and then you will be able to do these things.”

But now for some consequences; The Temple police and Sadducees have Peter and John arrested, “Indignant that these upstart apostles were instructing the people and proclaiming that the resurrection from the dead had taken place in Jesus.” (The Message). Why were they indignant? Two reasons: 1. In a sentence, it was their job to instruct the people, “The religious responsibilities of the Sadducees included the maintenance of the Temple in Jerusalem. Their high social status was reinforced by their priestly responsibilities, as mandated in the Torah. The Priests were responsible for performing sacrifices at the Temple, the primary method of worship in Ancient Israel. This also included presiding over sacrifices on the three festivals of pilgrimage to Jerusalem.” (Wikipedia on Sadducees). 2. The Sadducees didn’t believe in the resurrection. That is why they were sad…you see? J

Just one more reason Jesus was offensive to the religious establishment, and still is, I think. He upset the order of society/religion by making the proclamation of the Gospel a free for all. Anyone filled with the Holy Spirit could proclaim it and teach it. As the Wiki article on Sadducees says, “Their religious beliefs and social status were mutually reinforcing, as the Priesthood often represented the highest class in Judean society.” In other words, they had a lot to lose is they allowed “these upstart apostles” to continue preaching and teaching. How sad that they didn’t realize the fulfillment of the Scriptures that Jesus represented; that history was made in their midst. Concerned with preservation of the status quo, they decided instead to persecute the messianic rabble rousers followers.

Chapter 4 is so full of memorable statements. Peter and John’s umbrage about being questioned for healing a crippled man, “Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the One you killed on a cross!” “Salvation comes no other way; no other name has been or will be given to us by which we can be saved, only this one.” I’m getting chills as I type.

“They couldn’t take their eyes off them-Peter and John standing there so confident, so sure of themselves! Their fascination deepened when they realized these two were laymen with no training in Scripture or formal education….then there was this man undeniably crippled all these years, and there he was, standing upright – so healed! – what could they say against that?” ummm. More chills. I think I get excited cause I want to take walks to the temple and to give the gifts of God…the things that people need and that will cause them to celebrate with exuberant joy…One of my favorite childhood Sunday School songs was about how this healed man went leaping and dancing and praising God. The visual Bible, Acts also portrays the scene of him dancing up the steps of the Temple and it provokes joyful laughter.

I love the fact that Peter and John had the religious leaders over a barrel. Intimidation and threats weren’t effective with them. They were bent on telling as many as possible about Jesus so that they might find salvation in Him, and whether jailed, beaten, killed, they were going to preach and teach, “Judge for yourselves whether it would be right for us to listen to you instead of God. As for us, we can’t keep quiet about what we’ve seen and heard.”

Peter’s courage was no doubt fueled by Jesus’s mercy on him after his many mistakes; trying to take the head off the high priest’s servant and denying Jesus. It’s easy to imagine the conversation in his head, “No way, I’m not making the same mistake a second time. It’s all too fresh that I lied to save myself. But now, after watching Jesus give himself up for us, and very specifically giving me a second chance I’m not going to blow it…even if it costs me my life." And eventually it would.

Acts 3 - Silver or Gold Have I None, But What I Have I Give Thee!

2011-11-12T05:01:00.000-08:00

I just love this story…Peter and John on the way to a prayer meeting…a man crippled from birth carried to a place where he could solicit for handouts. Peter saying, “I don’t have what you want, but I can give you what you need!”

How does Jesus continually do the same for us. We ask for what we want, but He gives us what we need, including the experiences we need in order to have opportunity to have Him formed in us! (Romans 8).

And then Peter, realizing a crowd has gathered in response to the celebration of the man who was healed, seizes the opportunity to make clear how the man was healed, “Not by my/our piousness or our own power” but by God through his son Jesus, who He glorified….and then on to the same type of message of conviction he’d preached at Pentecost in chapter 2.

Makes me think of I Peter, 3:15 “Always be prepared to speak about the reason for the hope that you have.” These words were in Peter’s heart and mind…he was ready on a moment’s notice to testify to what he’s seen, and to preach a message of truth unto conviction and repentance.

The point shouldn’t be missed how Peter’s courage to preach such a bold message was in stark contrast to his cowardice during the passion when he denied knowing Jesus, and the restoration process that followed on the beach, “Peter, do you love me…” Yet more evidence that Jesus was raised from the dead. Peter wouldn’t be preaching like this for a lie, and certainly wouldn’t be risking his neck after a history of saving it.

Acts 2 in three parts

2011-11-07T03:32:00.000-08:00

I chapter 2 in three parts.

First, the disciples at Pentecost still awaiting fulfillment of Jesus’ promise to fill them with His Holy Spirit, his very presence which he promised them would be with them till the end of the world! Earlier, he’d said something like this, “It’s good if I go, for if I go then I will send the comforter the counselor, the One who will remind you of everything I have taught you, the One who will empower you to do what I did and even greater things than these.” (that’s a composite paraphrase of the things that come to mind that Jesus said one time or another about the promise of the Holy Spirit; I may look them all up later and study each verse separately).

Pretty amazing promise, and if I was a disciple, I’d be pretty excited about it, especially after watching the things he did; heal lepers, blind, deaf, paralytic, cast out demons, raise the dead (Lazurus, et al), and even raise from the dead himself. Calm the seas, empower Peter to walk on water, heal the sliced off ear of the high priest (thanks for the opportunity to demonstrate more of my divine power, Peter), etc., etc. the end of the gospel of John says that if the sky was a parchment and the oceans wells of ink it wouldn’t be enough and there wouldn’t be enough room on earth to hold the volumes of books that would be written…so there’s even more than we know!

And suddenly the place where they were together was filled w/out warning w/ gale force wind…and like wildfire the Holy Spirit spread through their ranks….and no doubt, they knew that Jesus had kept his promise to fill them w/ the Holy Spirit. In fact, before the crowd could make any accusations to the contrary stick, Peter speaks authoritatively, quoting from Joel about God pouring out His Spirit in the last days and the different manifestations that would verify that it was from him; young men and women prophesying, etc.

Second: Peter doesn’t stop w/ explanation of what has happened. He preaches to enlighten the crowd about Jesus; who he was and is, and what they’d done to him. Under conviction, many asked what they should do, and Peter responds succinctly w/ the infamous words, “Repent and turn to God. Be Baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and receive the gift of the Holy Spirit!” And many do, about 3000 of them. Pretty cool altar call!

Finally, body life is described as a generous community of fellowship. Not only did their practices of gathering together frequently, sharing meals and giving to one another according to need meet needs and edify the believers, but also provided a compelling example to the masses, “who liked what they saw and were compelled to join , ‘the way’ Sounds easy. Sounds fun. Sound like something I’d like to be a part of.

21 Days of Reading the Book of ACTS - and ACTS 1

2011-11-06T05:03:00.000-08:00

A friend shared over dinner the other night a desire to be a man of the Word of God, and to do so means regularly ingesting it. The next day I suggested that we form a covenant to do a daily daily reading plan. The day after he suggested ACTS for the next 21 days, beginning today (Nov.3) and ending Thanksgiving. His thought was to be inspired by the actions of the early believers. Would you like in on this? Acts is actually 28 chapters so some days will cover more than one chapter…your discretion how much to read each day.

I’m going to make some notes and probably SOAP (see below) portions of passages and share w/ you. If you are inclined to do the same it would be cool, like a virtual fellowship meeting. You could post your reflections in the comments section of this blog, or not...Just thought I'd invite some interaction...

Here is the introduction to ACTS from The Message:

Because the story of Jesus is so impressive- God among us! God speaking a language we can understand! God acting in ways that heal and help and save us!- there is a danger that we will be impressed but only be impressed. As the spectacular dimensions of this story slowly (or suddenly) dawn upon us, we could easily become enthusiastic spectators, and then let it go at that – become admirers of Jesus, generous with our ooh’s and aah’s and in our better moments inspired to imitate him.

It is Luke’s task to prevent this, to prevent us from becoming mere spectators to Jesus, fans of the Message. Of the original quartet or writers on Jesus, Luke alone continues to tell the story as the apostles and disciples live it into the next generation. The remarkable thing is that it continues to be essentially the same story. Luke continues his narration with hardly a break, a pause perhaps to dip his pen in the inkwell, writing in the same style, using the same vocabulary.

The story of Jesus doesn’t end with Jesus. It continues in the lives of those who believe in him. The supernatural does not stop with Jesus. Luke makes it clear that these Christians he wrote about were no more spectators of Jesus than Jesus was a spectator of God- they are in on the action of God, God acting in them, God living in them. Which also means, of course, in us.

Acts 1

The following really stands out to me:

- “After his death, he presented himself alive to them…” what a simple, non-assuming statement, yet so profound! After his death he…..

- People don’t do anything after their death! What kind of man was this?

- “he talked to them about things concerning the Kingdom”

- of course! Kingdom things were the most important things!

- “they ate meals together” Well, if there was any question about Jesus being raised from the dead in his physical body, let this put it to rest. He ate!

Next is his instruction to wait for the Holy Spirit to come on them

- “When the Holy Spirit comes on you, you will be ABLE to be my witnessed in Jerusalem, Judea and unto the ends of the earth!

o Not until the Holy Spirit comes on you will you have the ABILITY to do the great commission.

o Don’t try in your own strength by human wisdom; dummies!

THEY WAITED!

- they didn’t take matters into their own hands due to impatience. They followed his instruction to wait for the Holy Spirit to come on them

o how do we know today when the Holy Spirit has come upon us?

§ Physical signs and manifestations?

Good Grief and Misc. update

2011-10-10T05:33:00.000-07:00

Three months is a long time to be absent from a blog! Sorry...

July was the trip to India. Click here if you missed the blog.

August was recovery from the trip. September was...??? (what was September? Where does time go?) And now we're nearly 1/3 of the way through October? Hmmmmmm....

We are finishing our book, "How to Coach Your Marriage: Skills to Heal, Strengthen and Protect Your Relationship", developing our recently approved not for profit organization Great Relationships, Inc., managing a counseling case-load, planning and praying for a Church leadership retreat, a series of suicide prevention for the US Air Force, and preparing for a combo trip to California during which we will cultivate relationships and share a Marriage Coaching taste and see with trained coaches and couples passionate about marriage ministry. THEN we will relax as a couple for 4 days by the ocean to commemorate our 25th Anniversary (12.25.85)!

And now for the grieving.

Tears began to flow in earnest this past Thursday upon receiving a call from my step-mother that dad had been hospitalized and that his Dr. had advised calling family. So, after adjusting our schedule, Jill and I embarked on a 600 mile journey to NE Iowa. Eleven hours later we fed dad supper, then adjusted his bed, lighting and curtains for his evening nap.

It really stinks to see this once robustly healthy man bed-ridden, and plagued with unrelenting pain. Never again will he tour a golf course, mow the lawn or even see his home. Disease is having its way and it appears that he soon he will transition from time and space to eternity.

We're all grieving (I feel some sting and burning in my red eyes as I type), and we're all reminiscing. Grieving is unavoidable and it stinks! (and its a blessing!) Just below is a note I wrote to our personal prayer partners

"Thank you for allowing us to continue to communicate with you by email. As you know, grief is hard, but to live well we must grieve well, and that means going with the thoughts and feelings provoked by loss and change as they come…and come they do, relentlessly, just like ocean waves.

Dad hasn’t made his transition to heaven yet, but after an opportunity to speak with his Dr. at length it seems that it won’t be long. He has chronic, severe and irresolvable pain in his back, shoulders and hip. As the Dr. said, the parts are worn out. Therein lays the problem. Resolution of pain could come from surgery, but he isn’t strong enough and well enough for that. Even if he was, recovery from hip surgery would be prohibited by non-functioning shoulders. And on it goes.

As Susan says, “Faith makes the difference.” We grieve, but not as ones without hope.

Ironically, a golf course is beside the hospital. After talking with the Dr., Jill and I said goodbye to dad (Susan and her mom took our place), and took a walk on the golf course. Some of you know the significance of that. Golf was special to dad and me. He taught me to play at a young age, and it was a sanctuary where we could meet peacefully to enjoy the game and each other through the difficult years following his and mom’s divorce. Dad in the hospital dying, and Jill and I walking down a fairway that can be seen from his window….it was a beautiful day, and a flood of memories and tears ensued. I kept thinking that the final thing I want to say to dad is, “Wait for me on the first tee.” There’s got to be a golf course in heaven."

Thanks for reading, and thanks for your love and support.

The Raw journey continues as do the Raw Reflections from the Journey.

Love and blessings, Jeff

Sent...and supported!

2011-06-20T13:37:00.000-07:00

During the ramp up of the Clark Co. Ohio community marriage initiative in from late summer 2003 throughout 2004 (until the culmination of the project in a public signing of a covenant by clergy) staff and pastors convened on Wednesday mornings to pray. It was clear to us (Jill and I) that more and better for marriage in our community would come against spiritual strongholds that would not fall or be pushed back except by the power of prayer.

Every 7am prayer meeting began with worship. I put a CD w/ a mix in the computer and selected shuffle. And every session, the computer selected "He Reigns" as part of the sequence of songs for the morning. If you aren't familiar, the Newsboys lyrics basically indicate that the Gospel is for every culture and every nation in the world. We raised our eyebrows in surprise as it became suspicious that the Holy Spirit was mixing the songs with purpose; that He was calling our attention to something bigger than an initiative for just this community.

As the plot unfolded, and Marriage Savers Clark County morphed into Marriage Resource Center of the Miami Valley under the superb leadership of Lavern and Ronda Nissley and staff the Lord's direction became a bit more clear. Jill and I were led to Maryland to share what we'd learned with others, Lavern was tapped for wisdom from directors around the country, David and Teresa Mabry served and learned for a time before taking a church in Columbus where they share what they learned in Springfield, and on it goes...God's way of disseminating life-giving and marriage-saving information and skills.

This summer, eight years after saying yes to more and better for Clark County marriage and family, friends in S. Asia have invited us to visit them, and to share some things we've learned, and friend's here are supporting the venture.

Last Saturday evening a gathering of these precious friends enjoyed curry chicken, apple/mango chutney, naan bread, basmati rice and Texas sheet cake (which one doesn't belong?) made with love, from scratch. And then they prayed...over every aspect of this trip. Here's a bit of one participant's review:

After visiting on the deck there was a prayer time...all gathering around Jeff and Jill...putting hands on them and blessing their visit to friends in India...I've never experienced anything like it...the praying was so simple and plain and covered all things that they may encounter...

That was a humbling, and very encouraging experience! Just as humbling is the $ support that has been voluntarily contributed for this trip. It just keeps coming! Ultimately it is an expression of love for those with whom we will share our lives in a few short weeks for a duration of three weeks! To go with purpose, loved, befriended and supported has been an awesome faith-building experience, and we're sure there is more to come.

Less than a decade ago we barely dreamed of the possibility of such an adventure. All we knew is that we said 'yes' to a persistent request from God to participate in development of more and better for marriages in this community. But we should have been suspicious, I suppose. After all, He is the God of all creation, and His children are scattered everywhere!

What is He asking from you? And what have you said? Or what will you say? The choice is to play it safe and say no, or to dare to say yes and see where it leads. Each of us have opportunity now to participate in God's plan and purposes. Whether we say yes or no, He'll get it done. The question is whether or not we will be among those who enjoy the adventure and thrill of imparting Him and His ways to others, or whether we'll be observers to cheer for others.

But while overseas is adventurous and romantic, the opportunities are here, on our path every day. What is it that He has been speaking to you about, or what have you been invited to do that you are considering? How will you decide if it of Him? Is it something you are passionate about? Have you been prepared for it in some way?

Thanks for reading, and God bless,

Jeff

Reliability Ratings

2011-05-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

How do you make decisions about who to share your heart with?

I used to be more of a daring optimist when it comes to openly and transparently sharing my heart with others. Why? Well, after hearing a compelling presentation about levels of transparency* and the effect of transparency on relationships (it expedites the development of authentic relationships), I decided that more good things were possible from taking the risk to be real in comparison to being closed.

My verdict after a decade of this practice is this: It works, and it costs.

And now I have a problem that I'm hoping one of you might help me to solve (via testimony or encouragement through a comment). I'm finding myself guarded about what I share, especially with people who have low reliability ratings. What I mean is this: If a person tells me that they are going to do something, and then don't do it, I find myself shrinking from opportunities to share with them.

Now, is this just good sense, and consistent with Biblical teaching about throwing pearls before swine (I know the language sounds harsh, and that there are a few ways to understand that passage). Is reliability a quality of "Safe People", and is my reaction one that is healthy because it is reasonably self-protective? Or have I lost something, and have I become a casualty (at least temporarily) in a saga for healthy, meaningful and potent relationships? Maybe just a run of bad luck in terms of reliable people?

No, the world isn't black or white. My life is rich with people who do what they say they're going to do. AND, I'm NOT saying that my reliability rating is 100%. I know I've vowed to do things and not done them. If you're reading this and you think, "Hey, Jeff promised something to me and he hasn't done it" please bring that to my attention. I'd like to make it right. Shame on me if I'm living in a glass house and throwing stones.

There, I feel better, but I hope you hear me as I intend. I'm not trying to rant, but rather I'm trying to confess a struggle, check reality...and well...to be transparent. How ironic!

blessings, Jeff

*Three levels of transparency
- Level I - I will never share what is real with you
- Level II - I'll share if you share, but you go first!
- Level III - I will share openly about my honest thoughts, feelings and struggles so that God's work in my life can be seen...regardless of what you do.

Birthday Reflections: The First Day of the Rest of My LIfe

2011-03-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday which is as good of reason as any to wax philosophical. I know, I know...I don't really need an excuse do I? Well, if you will indulge me, I'm going to honor my stream of consciousness...I really need to process some things. Birthdays alone prompt me to reflect on how I'm living, but there is more. This one converged with a visit to my father who is currently living in a nursing home. Jill, Laura and I got back late last after visiting him for the past three days in Minnesota.

It was dad who introduced me to the magnificence of today, and every day we are blessed to live, "What is today, son?", he would ask afresh, as if he'd never asked before. "The first day of the rest of my life", I learned to reply. I really didn't get it when young, but as the reality of middle-age has set in (I'm 46 today), and as I watch parents struggle with maladies of aging, it means more and more. No doubt our days are numbered.

As I carried the last load of luggage from the car last night I paused to look at the stars which were exceptionally bright in a cold and dark sky. "I wonder the number of times I'll get to see these on a night like this before eternity?" Please don't misunderstand this as morbid preoccupation with death, but rather the opposite; appreciation for life and the magnificence of it.

For me there was nothing quite like seeing my hobbled father, a physical shadow of a once exceptionally strong, passionate leader to bring home the reality of limited days of life...and to move me to serious reflection About how I'm stewarding it: What do I think about? What do I do? And how do I do it? The bottom line question: How well am I living my life per the calling I have received?

One of the benefits of aging is awareness of the limits of time and energy. And a birthday is as good of a time as any to hit the reset button for a fresh start. What am I compelled to start doing, stop doing, do more of and less of?

- More fun with friends and loved ones
- More time in prayer, on walks and in love with Jill
- More free time away from my laptop and blackberry

- Less fretting about provisions
- Less anxiety about patients getting well

- Start taking dedicated periods of time away from the office and home office (days and partial days OFF)
- Start every day with quiet time, reading and reflection

One practical action-step Jill and I have already taken was to adjust our schedule for more balance and variety. Still the the reality is that a significant internal adjustment is required to make the most of that structure, and no one gets it better for me than Phillips, Craig & Dean in the song, Let God be God. Check out the lyrics...I find them humbling and reassuring:

You said “Lights ON”
And a blinding sea of stars began to shine
You said “Birds SING!”
And a million melodies filled up the sky
You said "this world,
Spinning through a crowded Milky Way"
Well the sun comes up
And the sun goes down
And God doesn’t seem to need my help
But the One who holds the sea in place
Is watching out for every step I take

I think I’ll let God be God, I’m giving up control
Think I’ll relax, step back
It’s time for letting go
If you kept the universe in sync
A million years or so
Since the Keeper of creation knows
I think I’ll let God be God

You clapped your hands
The thunder rose and lightning filled the sky
You bring new life
A tiny newborn baby starts to cry
The tide rolls in and it rolls back out
And never has God needed me to help
The One who sees the sparrow fall
Knows what I need before I even call

I think I’ll let God be God, I’m giving up control
Think I’ll relax, step back
It’s time for letting go
If you kept the universe in sync
A million years or so
Since the Keeper of creation knows
I think I’ll let God be God

Yeah, nothing takes You by surprise
Never late, always on time
The One who holds the sea in place
Is watching out for every step I take

No Rose Garden (but plenty of water for the flowers...in the basement)

2011-03-07T06:35:00.000-08:00

April (March) showers bring May flowers...

Well, there's been plenty of water, but no flowers in our basement...as of yet.

This past Saturday morning had a leisurely beginning...barista Jeff had created his and her cappuccinos, we'd taken a walk (during which we noticed which houses were perched above the flood waters and which ones weren't). "I'm glad our sump pump is working well", I thought to myself. Little did we know.

At home, after our walk we'd begun to consider how to invest the open day when Laura sprung from the basement to announce, "There's a flood!"

Oh no! The sump pump had taken a nap, and 4-6 inches of spring rains were rippling across every square inch of the basement...groan. Spontaneous healing of the pump helped the waters to recede, but the damage was done; carpet and padding, soaked wooden furniture legs, and thousands of papers, journals, pictures...oh well, we did say we wanted to lighten our load the next time we move.

"These light and momentary troubles..."

Tim and Bridget (our landlords) were great as usual; kind, compassionate and responsive. Within minutes they'd made insurance calls (I made ours with my feet still covered in water..a true SOS call from the basement), and arranged a professional group to clean and restore. Thus began a parade of water workers. By phone and email we celebrated mutual grace and compassion; "Life happens...why get our knickers all knotted up?"

By Sunday afternoon it was getting old. Adrenaline of a new challenge had worn away, and now came the inconvenience, work, smells and the realization that house guests due w/in the week would have to be placed in places that we hadn't planned to place them...but we'll be together (Carly and Gabby, Jocelyn and Bella). Being together and staying together through life's valleys is what it's all about anyhow, right?

Jill and I shared an emotional jug last night (no, not homemade moonshine to allay our anxieties), but rather a talking exercise designed to help us identify and express honest feelings. It's cathartic and builds closeness. After working through mad, sad and scared feelings we got to glad. "What are you glad about?"

"I'm glad that we've learned in life challenges to turn to Jesus", I said. "His words are comforting", I thought. "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest", and "In this world you will have many troubles, but take heart. I have overcome the world."

Light and momentary troubles...that are achieving a victory in us that overcomes the world. yep. I'm glad for unexpected challenges...even if they are a bit wet!

To Have and To Hold

2011-02-14T06:37:00.000-08:00

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. ~ Genesis 2:24 (NIV)

I was almost too nervous and too emotional to say my vows, let alone really understand their meaning. I just wanted to make it through the ceremony.

As Jill was escorted down the aisle by her father, my knees quivered. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized she was making me her one and only, forever. I was so humbled and overwhelmed. And, I suppose I was scared, or at least I should have been scared about holding her in love, the rest of our lives.

To have a wife is a gift. To hold her is a responsibility that is fulfilled only by selfless love. That’s something I’m still learning.

Privilege comes with responsibility. I get to have her and I must hold her. While I have exclusive rights to emotional and physical intimacy with my wife, I also have responsibility to love and to provide for her. Maybe this was another reason my knees were shaking – my subconscious knew that I was getting in over my head.

Jill often shares with couples that she and I have grown up together. We’ve been learning love for a long time. I feel sad when I contrast my bride’s happy and hopeful expression at our wedding with images of her tear-stained face when I’ve hurt her. If there was anything I vowed not to do when we married, it was to not cause pain. But I have. Being human, it’s impossible not to. I find that sad.

Life outside the Garden of Eden is tough. Pain is inevitable. It’s a clear consequence of sin. Sadly, in relationships, we hurt each other by what we say and don’t say, and by what we do and don’t do. Our best intentions sometimes go unnoticed and sometimes they are misinterpreted. Sometimes we don’t cooperate with our partner’s right to have us or to hold us. And sometimes we make it hard for them.

Recently we coached a couple by phone. She was full of pain, anger and frustration. We facilitated her sharing lots of angry, sad and scared feelings. He admitted that he had to clench his teeth and bite his tongue to keep from rebutting with his own thoughts and feelings. After she was done, he described that she was holding him, but that he wanted to pull away. She felt held by him hearing her heart and wanted to be close, despite having been hurt. He was struggling with anger about some things she said, and confusion about how she could want to be close to him. I think that’s a good picture, a realistic picture of what it’s like and what it takes to hold on to our vows in marriage; to hold on through hurt.

The pastor who officiated our wedding could have commented on our vows. It wouldn’t have been romantic, but it would have been realistic. “That’s right, Jeff and Jill, to have and to hold. You’ll have to hold on through the rough times and hold on through hurt. The happiness of this moment and the newness of your marriage will wear off at some point. Reality will set in and you’ll probably have a fight. Feelings will be hurt and your vows will be tested. When those times come, it will be important to hold on through the hurt.”

Are you hurt? How are you holding your partner? How are you holding on?

Prayer
Lord, you are one who holds on through the hurt. As you hold us, we can hold each other. Thank you for your stubborn love. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Why Boundaries? To Protect Your Purpose

2011-02-09T06:12:00.000-08:00

Boundaries sometimes get a bad rap. Some people don't understand or like when you say no, or when you live by a calendar. Saying "no" or "not now" is taken as personal rejection, "You don't like me or value me enough to spend time with me." But that's not always the case.

Some of the most Kingdom successful and productive people I know set and defend firm boundaries to protect time and energy. They know what their life is to be about, and therefore say no much more often than they say yes. They live by the maxim Gordon MacDonald made famous in Ordering Your Private World "If you don't schedule your time, others will be glad to schedule it for you."

What got me thinking about this? Two things: 1. Clarification of boundaries between professional time and personal time with a friend who also employs me as a Leadership Coach for his business, and 2. Desire and determination to finish a book to teach as many couples as possible how to coach their own marriage.

First, the former. Do you know why some counselors avoid telling people on seatmates on airplanes what they do for a living? Because we will inevitably be told about their problems as if they are doing us a favor by giving us an opportunity to work a little bit more. No thanks. Believe it or not, asking, listening, conceptualizing, diagnosing and treatment planning are energy intensive, and those services deserve to be compensated. But, I'll admit that when led by the Holy Spirit to answer directly about what I do, I will be truthful. The rest of the time I say, "I work in healthcare." All but the persistent and insensitive passengers get the point, "He doesn't want to talk." Not the best 24/7 witness, I know, but this blog is Raw Reflections so I'm trying to keep it real. When it comes to friendship, I want to relax in reciprocal relationship and not be "on duty" to access my psychological or Leadership Coaching database of experience to perform these professional functions.

The second reason I've been thinking about and identifying and setting boundaries was the impetus for this blog entry; protecting time and energy needed to fulfill some of my life purpose through a portion of Jill and my mission: To inspire and equip as many Christian Marriages as possible to have a pleasurable, hopeful and purposeful marriage for the Kingdom of God and to help them to help others to have the same. One means of doing this is in writing, and we've had a book "in the works" for way too long. It bothers me every day that it isn't yet in the hands of couples who don't know what they don't know about essential skills and attitudes they need to heal, strengthen and protect their marriage and to help other couples do the same.

The point? Since we live in time and space, there are a finite number of hours in a day that we can be productive; yea, a finite number of hours left to live this life, and to fulfill our God-given purpose before we hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant!"

So, boundaries are good, not bad. They protect people and purpose. They define how much of us we give to others, and when we give that. Since time and energy are in limited supply each day, stewardship demands that I judiciously parcel these out to the people and purposes that God puts on my path. So, if you hear me say "no", or "not now", it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't care about you, or that I don't value an endeavor in which you are involved. It means that I'm continuing to do my best to do my best with the purposes that God designed me to fulfill, and the people He's given me to love and care for.

Hmmm. Back to work!

Blessings, Jeff

Making Desires Reality, One Day at a Time

2011-02-06T08:56:00.000-08:00

I'm psyched, and I want to write about it.

Today ended the 7th week of P90X for Jill and me. We began December 20, and one day at a time we now find ourselves at day 49! The results? Fewer pounds, less fat, more muscle, better flexibility, greater strength, cardiovascular fitness and a positive sense of well-being. There's a really big difference in all of these measures between day one and now, but the psychological benefits are the ones I probably appreciate the most; confidence and a sense of accomplishment from doing something my body didn't want to and my mind said it couldn't.

What broke the inertia of relatively sedentary middle-aged mindset that included aches, pains and low moods from lack of vigorous exercise? Desperation and desire to look and feel different. Note the emphasis on desire. Many programs work but only if we work them, and working them consistently is a result of motivation.

If you asked me in December what I wanted, my list would have looked like this:
- to be able to reach my toes again
- to be fit and flexible enough to get on the racquetball court again
- to wear my current wardrobe comfortably
- to eliminate neck and lower back pain
- to be able to ride my bike comfortably through mountainous terrain
- to be comfortable in my own skin like I was when I was fit

The list of desires was enough to break the inertia of fear of failure in a tough fitness program. I wanted the results bad enough to endure the discomfort.

Now, not to trivialize or be sacreligious in any way, but this reminds me of what was said about Jesus, "For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross" (Philippians 2). In common vernacular this is expressed as, "No pain, no gain."

Forty-nine days of exercise* were strung together as single days, one day at at a time. It was only about a half-hour ago that we completed today's routine, so we're not physically or psychologically ready to tackle tomorrow's workout. We'll deal with that tomorrow, and we'll be rested and ready. Today has enough other objectives to fill it, and so we'll give ourselves to those too.

I think the instruction of Jesus to live one day at a time is often overlooked and undervalued. Not only is one day at a time all that we've been made to handle physically and psychologically, but it's also the key to relaxing in relationship with God and others. Just today, it's all I have to think about, and as I do, it will become a strong link to tomorrow, and the next day...and the next, and...

So today, do what you can do. Don't do nothing, because you can't do everything, do what you canand see how far it gets you.

Blessings, Jeff

An Ode to Laura (Beth)

2011-01-06T18:46:00.000-08:00

Her life almost wasn't. Her mother badly wanted a third child, but her father doubted if he had enough love and could "earn" enough provisions to nurture her. The mother persuaded the father. A night of passion ensued. A child was born.

Laura is a remarkable soul; tender and compassionate, she is a tenacious and gracious friend and sister.

What motivated my writing? I'm listening to the music of this lovely young lady. She is tenderly tickling the ivories to express the tender and creative nuances of her soul...and her papa is crying.

A remarkable talent is now thriving in this world to bless, inspire and encourage just as her PAPA ordained.

Laura, as we discussed before your first choir solo this past Christmas: You have been given a special gift by your Maker to bless, inspire and exhort others. May you nurture and express all that He has put into you, and as you do may you enjoy Him and find pleasure in that which He has created you to do.

I love you. Dad

Keep Pushing Play

2011-01-06T04:19:00.000-08:00

Are you blue? Did you experience a letdown after the holidays? I did. Much anticipated visits by family and friends are past. Winter is fully present, and Spring is a long way off. How to remain encouraged and on the job, fully present as an encouraging presence in the lives of others?

"Keep pushing play" were the final words of the fitness instructor on the popular fitness video, P90X. I appreciate Tony Horton's encouragement. The workouts are very challenging and can be demoralizing if one isn't able to complete all the reps or do them as well as the ultra-fit athletes on the screen. So, I really appreciate the realistic instruction, "Do you best, and forget the rest" which translates, "If you can't do everything we do as well as we do it, it's ok. Do your best and trust your body to adapt to the demands you put on it. You'll be able to do more and better next time." Of course they're right. I'm much stronger, fit and flexible today (day 19) than I was on day one).

I remain fascinated how the lessons learned during the pursuit of physical fitness apply to every endeavor in life that requires persistence.

"Keep pushing play"
- Keep doing what you were made to do.
- Do not become weary in doing good, for we will reap a harvest if we don't give up (Galatians 6:9).
- Don't do nothing because you can't do everything. Do what you can.

And a more lengthy exhortation from John Wesley that resonates with Tony Horton's exhortation to BRING IT (bring your best and most intense efforts):
Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can

The decision to "push play" on the fitness video means that heavy breathing, perspiration and burning muscles are on the way. It's not a decision made lightly or easily. After pushing play a price will be paid, but the results will be worth it.

What does it mean for you to "push play" today? At home in marriage, with family, at work, in ministry? What price will be paid, and what outcome will be worth it? And what does BRING IT mean for you? What is your best?

Persisting in doing good...

Jeff

Understanding Anger - Part I

2010-12-11T14:46:00.000-08:00

As a counselor I teach that anger is the master emotion; the one we are likely to feel and express before or in place of sadness, fear, embarrassment, etc. Sometimes we experience anger in response to loss as part of the grieving process, and sometimes it fuels a courageous response to injustice (righteous indignation).

Recently I've come across a fresh perspective on anger from Henri Nouwen in The Way of the Heart. It has been helpful to me in understanding some of the angst I sometimes experience; angst that has at times stolen the joy of the Lord, and peace in my heart. It will take a bit of time to go through this, but I think it's worth it. I'll be curious to hear what you think.

Nouwen begins with the role of oughts and musts in our anger.

Our society is not a community radiant with the love of Christ, but a dangerous network of domination and manipulation in which we can easily get entangled and lose our soul. The basic question is whether we ministers of Jesus Christ have not already been so deeply molded by the seductive powers of our dark world that we have become blind to our own and other people's fatal state and have lost the power and motivation to swim for our lives [reference to writing of the Desert Fathers who considered society a shipwreck from which each individual man had to swim for his life].

Just look for a moment at our daily routine. In general we are very busy people. We have many meetings to attend, many visits to make, many services to lead. Our calendars are filled with appointments, our days and weeks filled with engagements, and our years filled with plans and projects. There is seldom a period in which we do not know what to do, and we move through life in such a distracted way that we do not even take the time and rest to wonder if any of the things we think, say, or do are worth thinking, saying or doing. We simply go along with the many "musts" and "oughts" that have been handed on to us, and we live with them as if they were authentic translations of the Gospel of our Lord. People must be motivated to come to church, youth must be entertained, money must be raised, and above all everyone must be happy. Moreover, we ought to be on good terms with the church and civil authorities; we ought to be liked or at least respected by a fair majority of our parishioners; we ought to move up in the ranks according to schedule; and we ought to have enough vacation and salary to live a comfortable life. Thus we are busy people, just like all the other busy people, rewarded with the rewards which are rewarded to busy people!

So, what do you think? I think Nouwen is implying that we set ourselves up for anger by attempting to serve the idols of our day; what we ought to have, who we ought to be, what we ought to be accomplishing, etc. And that when we somehow fall short of the oughts and shoulds that we're prone to anger because we don't have what we ought to have.

But what if the having, being and doing isn't the essence of life in the Kingdom of God? What would it be like to be content that we have what the King wants us to have, that we get to do what He wants us to do, accomplish what He wants to be accomplished and experience the regard of others that He wants us to enjoy?

In Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest devotional titled The Bewildering Call of God he says that when we have a purpose our our own it destroys the peaceful tranquility of spirit that should characterize the lives of God's children. Hmm. Is your life characterized by tranquil peace and joy? Is mine? If not, are some oughts, shoulds and musts acting as culprits in the service of the enemy who is always seeking to steal, kill and destroy?

Blessings, Jeff

Relaxed Relationship: How to Have a Lifegiving Gathering

2010-11-27T15:44:00.000-08:00

It started small, and grew into a gathering that filled our home with love and laughter. Rich and Sharon wanted to see Carly and Gabby while they were home. Rob and Jenny called to ask if they could stop by after their weekly date. Mom (Patty Grandma to Gabby) loves to hang out with her family so we invited her to stay awhile. Sarah came with her parents, and Matt left a party for awhile to say hey to everyone...

Envision a family holiday gathering. People arrive at different times. Conversations are relaxed and natural. Curious questions abound, "Hey, how did it go with...Did you know that...I heard that you..."

A fast forward film of such a gathering would show people moving around to sit in different places and talk to different people. Relational connections in our gathering were fluid and fun. I especially liked "showing" Matthew to the door ala Michael Strahan's greeting of Donovan McNabb! (click to watch)

I think most of us checked something off our "bucket list" the other night. We laughed until we cried, and then laughed some more. Carly queried Rob (click here then scroll down) on and off for half an hour about his work as a funeral director. Her questions were serious, and Rob's answers were alternately touching and hysterical. What I liked best about the whole sequence was that there was "relational space" for them to have the interaction and for the rest of us to be blessed and entertained. Rob shared his heart about deaths that personally touched him and how this work/ministry gives him opportunity to serve families with his God-given gifts. Later in the weekend I asked Carly if such work intrigued her, "Yeah, maybe." All that from an informal, relaxed relational interaction.

Then Richard was a good sport to allow stories from the period of his marital separation. Thank GOD that is all behind all of us who were involved in it. The way God prepared Rich and Sharon for this was not lost on our gathering either. I dare say the youth (and even some of the adults) left w/ a new benchmark regarding Godly pursuit of relational healing, and persistence in His plan and purpose for our lives! Thanks Rich.

Why did I want to write this? Because I want such gatherings to be multiplied in my life, and yours. It was an abundantly life-giving time that could have lasted into the wee hours. It was fun, funny, empowering, uplifting, encouraging, loving, etc; all the things that life amidst the fellowship of believers can be!

What now?

I like the way that Wayne Jacobsen and Tom Wymore talk about such gatherings of believers in their blogs, and the way Wayne describes it in Jake's book.

All the best as you too seek to live in the midst of life-giving relationships with God and each other!

Jeff

Dead to Doing

2010-11-04T10:52:00.000-07:00

I expected to only record a 5 minute blurb for the local Christian Radio station; that was their invitation. But, their ask was different when I got there, "Would you be willing to record eight segments for a show on Monday?" Ok. I was pleased with my internal response, "Whatever, Lord."

Upon return to Springfield which began as a part-time commute last January, I heard, "Wait to be invited." That's a pretty significant guideline for a type A, choleric driver who likes to get a lot done. But, it was a reiteration of His ongoing direction to me/us since 2006, "Do well with those I put on your path."

The way of some ministries we'd been involved with to that point was to drive, drive, drive, push, push, push...for numbers; the more the better (but was it really?). Sure, the Kingdom of God is about numbers, He wills that none would perish. But it must be Him who opens the doors of influence and opportunity.

A local pastor with growing influence in my life (Neil Haney) talks about Christ working through us vs. working for Him. The latter leaves us exhausted on adrenaline peaks and valleys, but the former is a peaceful flow and release of His life through us, to others, wherever and whenever He directs.

There was a time I would have thought that a "media appearance" was the best thing in my week. "I'm validated. Someone wants to hear from me!" But for some reason, it's different now. I was content to fulfill my friend's request at WEEC for a 5 minute blurb, and just as content to keep talking as they opened the door to share more. "Whatever", I thought. "He will open doors that can't be shut, and shut doors that can't be opened."

It's a more peaceful and joyful existence to wait for His invitations, and to peaceably walk in what He wants, releasing His life within where He directs. Goodbye striving and straining...hello godliness with contentment.

Jeff

Phone Tag (and other threats to fulfillment of our calling)

2010-11-02T06:15:00.000-07:00

“You’re it…call me back.” Ugghh. It’s a tiring game, and one I’ve increasingly refused to play; back and forth we go, wasting 90 seconds at a time in meaningless messages, “Shucks, missed you again. Please call me back.” More often now, I leave instructions on how to schedule some mutually convenient time to talk or meet in person.

Jill and I used to expend vast amounts of energy in call backs and emails to schedule appointments. But for the past year we’ve eliminated most of that by using an online schedule, Schedulicity, www.schedulicity.com. Clients with web access can view available appointments any time of the day or night, and then “book” an appointment for the date and duration they need. They receive a receipt to confirm the booking, and a reminder 24 hours in advance of their appointment, and we receive notification by email and text message. Wonderful!

I’ve even begun to use the service to schedule calls with friends and mentors, “Hey ____, would you mind scheduling a brief call (10-15 minutes, or 30 or 60 minutes) at a time that is mutually convenient? If it is on my calendar page on the website, feel free to schedule some time together. If that doesn’t work for some reason, just call, text or email and we’ll schedule some time the old-fashioned way.” A few have pushed back on this. “It seems impersonal.” Just today, another friend registered his displeasure, “At this rate (he mixed up the time zones and had to cancel), we’ll never talk. Do you ever take impromptu calls, or does everyone have to schedule time to talk with you?” I replied to feel free to call at his convenience, but his message got me thinking.

Why am I doing this? At the root, it has to do with fulfillment of calling as affected by time and energy management. At the root, it has to do with following the example of Jesus’ boundaries. There were times he invested in people, and times he invested in relationship with His father, and his own rest and rejuvenation which was the source of his power for effective public ministry. As a man, he had limits and he knew it.

Steve Grissom, founder and developer of Divorce Care, and other such ministries (GriefShare, Divorce Care for Kids, etc.), pulled me into his office for an impromptu intervention in 2006. “Right now, in your early 40’s (I was 41), you think you can do anything and everything, but you are going to have to focus. To have the impact that God intends you to have, you are going to have to say no more than you say yes, and be very careful about how you invest your time and energy.” For two hours Steve made his case, illustrating this principle from his own life and others. His words stuck with me, and they’ve been reinforced by others.

Those closest to me, (Jill and ministry partners from 2006-2009, Rich and Sharon Wildman, check out their ministry, Stubborn Pursuits), often said that I would need to be sent away to a cloistered retreat to complete the writing they want me to finish (i.e., training materials and some books). “As long as people with needs are around, you’ll try to help them, and never get the writing done that will help even more”, Jill said. She’s been right. I’ve had to turn off my cell phone, refuse to answer the land-line, and close Outlook to avoid emails when on deadline to finish some writing (e.g., training materials one-week in advance of the class, and articles).

So, do I take impromptu calls? Sometimes; if I’m able. What does that mean? It means if I’m not on task with a pre-determined priority, such as reading and prayer, conversation with Jill, exercise, recuperation from being with people (i.e., coaching and counseling, writing, etc.) I’ll pick up a call.

What my friend may not understand is that relegating him to an online schedule protects my calling from perpetual diversion and dilution, but also that it protects and provides for a quality and enduring relationship. Public times on my schedule are pre-determined and planned for. Prior to public times for friendship, counseling, coaching, teaching and training, I prepare to be my best. I rest, pray, eat and exercise in order to be my best for others. And since I’m an introvert who restores his energy in private time alone, there is only so much time I can be “Public”. In addition, since writing is one of the modalities through which I am to execute my calling to inspire and equip others for life-giving relationship with God and each other, some of my best-energy periods of life need to be protected from interruption in order to get things on paper.

Does all of this sound selfish, insensitive and impersonal or wise?

I’ve lived a helter-skelter adrenaline fueled lifestyle for a long time. But as Steve Grissom said, “That can’t continue without significant detriment to you physically, and compromise of the mission you were made to execute. Besides, as you realize physical limitations, you will necessarily become more careful about what you do and who you do it with.”

Will I take an impromptu call? Yes, if possible.

Will I continue to ask even friends to schedule an appointment time for us to be together? Yes. And that will be due to my respect for our relationship, and desire to give my best when we meet. I hope they’ll understand and support that.

Continuing the Journey!

Jeff

An Angel in our Garage!

2010-10-24T15:57:00.000-07:00

My thrifty wife loves to organize garage sales to bless others in need and rid ourselves of superfluous items in our household. A recent move underscored the fact that we have plenty of material possessions to sustain life, so why not give of our abundance to others?

Every time we hold such a sale we collect memories for a lifetime, but October 22, 2010 was exceptional. Numerous events and conversations will provide the fodder of stories for months to come!

I spotted him out of the corner of my eye as I forked another mouthful of eggs into my mouth. "Ought oh! We failed to cover some of the items we didn't want to sell!!" The vagrant had found my shoes! My precious shoes! Running, golf, cycling and even a pair of prized dress shoes. "I've got to stop him!" I thought. But one of our sharp helpers beat me to the intervention. He walked away.

Instantaneously I heard, "Maybe he needs shoes." My eyes fell to my feet where I found a pair of very nice and comfortable running shoes given to me a week ago by a friend. Hmm! A generous friend provided for me. Perhaps I can provide for the vagrant?

I wasn't surprised that the needy gentleman was still wandering around in our garage after I'd taken my time to finish breakfast. He wouldn't be the first "visitor" God sent to emphasize a teaching point.

"Sir, do you need a pair of shoes?" I asked. He looked up with kind eyes and smiled as he reached for my hand. "Hello", he said. He didn't fit the profile of a homeless man. There was no odor, and the sparkle in his eyes was, well...other worldly.

"Sir, if you need some shoes, I'd be happy to gift you with these" I continued. "Thank you, kind sir. I'm happy to receive your gift." He smiled once more and then turned to slowly walk away with my shoes as if they were a prized possession.

As I watched him shuffle away (he might have been eighty), I heard, "Whatever you do unto the least of these...you do to me." I'm surprised that I didn't collapse in humbling gratitude regarding the lengths to which God goes to make His way known, and to give me an opportunity to walk in it. Say what you want, but I'm convinced that God sent a servant, (once again) to reiterate a timely message. "Give freely to me as to you I have freely given."

Would it surprise you that this event preceded a miraculous conversation with one who has been despairing of life and recently came within inches of ending it? Their pride almost kept them from salvation (both eternal and temporal), but as I'd been recently emboldened and reminded of Jesus' way, I boldly challenged them to accept the gift of cousnel, support and encouragement that they might continue to live to give to others, even their own offspring....

HE has quite a way of working with us, eh? What's your story? What has He been teaching you lately?

Continuing to live with expectation or Holy Surprises!

Jeff

Gift Giving: It's more blessed to give than to receive

2010-10-24T04:37:00.000-07:00

He came bright-eyed and bushy tailed at the opening of our garage sale, a happy little lad about 5 years old accompanied by his father, hopeful to find some treasures to take home. I pointed him to Noah's Ark, a beautifully carved hand painted boat with dozens of individual animals to place on and in the boat.

I didn't really want to see this item sold. My mom purchased it years ago for our children but now they're grown, and it's been sitting unused. "How much do you want for it?" asked the little lad being coached by his father. I was conflicted. It seemed too valuable to set a price. "Would you enjoy having this?" I asked. "Oh yes!" he exclaimed. "Would you take good care of it and share with your sister?" "Yes" he emphasized with exuberant nodding. "Then it's yours...for you, it's free." "Really?" he exclaimed. "Thank you." And that was that...until I thought about it a bit more, later. Free wasn't accurate. I wish I'd said, "It's a gift" because in truth, it wasn't free. It was actually fairly expensive. I know how much mom paid for it.

So, the lad got a gift paid for by someone else. Sounds like a gift we've all been given, eh? "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus, Our Lord" (Romans 6:23, NIV). What a gift...but it wasn't free. Someone paid dearly.

My little friend didn't protest the gift. He happily and humbly received it, and that gave me such joy! I hope that he and his sister wear it out! How awesome it is to see gifts being enjoyed, and fully utilized...

What joy it must give God and Jesus when His gift of Salvation and intimate, loving, gracious relationship is joyfully accepted.

There's more. Several other morning gift-giving experiences prepared me to boldly challenge a person in need to accept the gift of a friend's gift of friendship, and my gift of counseling ministry. "I can't afford the fees" they protested over the phone. "But you are in a hole and really need help" I responded. "Yes." "Well, how are you going to get out of the hole unless you reach for and accept the hands that are reaching for you? In effect, we are extension of God's hands, and He wants to pull you out. If you don't accept our gifts, you interfere with the joy of giving, and besides, God has plans for you to help others. This is your time to receive, so that you too can give." "Ok, I get it. I'll be in to see you in a little bit." What transpired then was inspired by the Gift-giver Himself. I believe that salvation has come to yet another household.

The bottom line? Since it's more blessed to give than to receive, I pray you (and me) the grace to obey when prompted to give. And when it's time to receive; the grace to receive joyfully and to make good use of the gifts that have been given.

Enjoying the Journey,

Jeff

Essential Encouragement - A Symphony of Support Prompted by Papa

2010-10-21T09:11:00.001-07:00

"Hey Jeff, this is random, but I was just listening to the radio and I heard, 'Don't worry about your ministry. Pray a lot, and trust God.' You came strong to mind, and I wanted to know that I'm praying for you, and often do. No need to call back. We love you guys and miss you."

Awesome. A sixty second message that lifts the soul. This sister we've known for 30 years acted on a timely prompt. What she didn't know, but Father does, is that the weight of ministry was especially heavy yesterday; an unexpectedly intense conversation with a good friend, a crisis appointment, completion of a carefully contemplated report on some team-building assessments for a Church, journal entries from a client with palpable pain on the page.

People despairing of life, uncertain about the future, worried about whether or not there's been too much water under the dam to keep their marriage and family afloat any longer. To the compassionate caregiver it hurts and feels sad. Then there's the challenge of hearing from Father to serve those in need per the gifts He's given.

We can't do it alone.

John Eldredge's devotional message this morning was about the necessity of compassionate and encouraging companions for the journey. Thank God for friends who hear and obey prompts to reach out to care.

Better yet, thank God for His constant companionship, and constant conversation (speaking and listening prayer). He is always with me, always attentive, and somehow always responsive (through His Spirit, His Word, and people with skin on to hear, to encourage, and to hug).

Who is on your mind today, and why? Would you dare pray for guidance, and even ask if there is something Father would have you say or do to help them along the way?

Persevering,

Jeff

Good Grief!

2010-10-05T05:28:00.001-07:00

My eyes still burn from some crying today. Jill, Laura and I said goodbye, AGAIN, to Carly and Gabby after a trip to see them and present a seminar in Baltimore area. But the tears of sorrow about going our separate ways are combined with tears of gratitude. Our daughter and granddaughter seem to be thriving, not just surviving their new life (The women and children’s program at Wilson College which they began August 15).

“I’m more than happy to sacrifice for their good, Jeff. Carly is growing and getting a great education, and Gabby is thriving too (in her pre-school, with new friends)!”

Loss, change, transition; a myriad of thoughts and feelings accompany these experiences; Tears, memories, hugs… And while it’s not easy to feel the feelings, such times are navigable, especially when we ask Jesus to walk with us through them. After all, he is a man familiar with sorrows and acquainted with grief.

It was an exciting weekend. Upon arrival in Chambersburg, PA, Gabby quivered with smiles and squeals when she saw us. “She remembers us!” Big hugs and kisses preceded our dinner. Wow! Does she ever love her Sissie! And each of us got our turn with the guileless child, “I like you”, she said as she sat down on my lap and hugged.

But there were struggles, too. Since we’re only in the 7th week of transition from living in Maryland to our new life in Ohio, Jill and I are still experimenting to discover a rhythm of quality time together. The bottom line is that the task of setting up and running a counseling practice has eaten into time we used in the past to thoroughly communicate about every facet of our lives; a necessity we think for those involved in relationship ministry; we’ve got to have a strong and pleasurable relationship if we’re goint to export that to others.

Surprisingly, it’s been one of the toughest times we’ve faced. Even as much good is happening (i.e., strides toward financial and ministry goals) the enemy seeks to devour and destroy with irksome misunderstandings and sensitivities. But thank God that when we reach for Him, He gives us a multitude of ways to withstand the evil onslaught. As we often remind our clients, the sword of the Spirit, The Word of God, is an incredible offensive weapon in the Christian Soldier’s arsenal (Ephesians 6:10-18).

Take heart fellow and sister sojourners. The One in us is greater than the one in the world, and He has given us everything we need for life and Godliness.

Breathing Room and Disorientation

2010-09-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time getting my motor going to do anything but rest, breathe and enjoy my favorite aerobic recreation of cycling (280 miles over the past eight days; I know, crazy...). Don't get the wrong idea though. There is a never-ending list of honey-do's to help Jill feel settled in our new home, home office, office and midwest U.S. culture (I had eight months of commuting to adjust, but she will have been in Clark County, OH for just 3 weeks tomorrow).

Something significant has transpired in my spirit, but I can't quite put my finger on it or articulate it very well yet, so I'm going to process out loud with you (and graciously accept some peer coaching during which you can open and hold my heart by asking and listening if you are inclined).

It feels like we've crossed the finish line of an ultra-marathon race in which the finish line was hidden, and the only way to complete it was to run with intensity, nothing held back, until God decided to drop in the finish line on the course after about six years (Sept. 2004 was culmination of year-long development of Community Marriage Policy and beginning of our move to DC, while Sept 2010 is readjustment to our hometown). In some ways it would have been easier to continue living under duress of our lifestyle and circumstances on the East Coast. When you've been running hard it's sometimes very disorienting to STOP...like an Indy car driver going from 200mph on the course to a dead stop in the pits.

But it seems that God has appointed a new place for us to live, at least for a season (how does one ever know when in His service?)

In less than a month's time:
- He rented our house in MD to a Christian couple
- He arranged for a palatial home in OH with double the space of our home in MD and half the occupants (what's up w/ that?)
- He put us in proximity to family and friends (old shoe friends; the kind with which you are really comfortable cause you've been wearing them a long time)

And I just want to exhale, breath, and rest. Laura commented today that this weekend I've been living like Harley (our dog), "Mom, all he's doing is sleeping, eating, and exercising...I grinned, and went back to sleep...aaahhh!

Jill is trying to get settled in our new home, home office, office and a very different cultural setting; all that while dealing with yet another laptop crash, and fender bender in the High School parking lot (Welcome Back!)

We're not too worried about ourselves. This is our eighth home in five cities in twenty-five years of marriage; in other words, we're somewhat practiced at relocation and adjustment. Rule of thumb - Give yourself 3 months to adjust before getting worried about emotional undulations or confusion. Us humans are fairly resilient creatures, but we require time in transition to establish new patterns or to groove "old" patterns into new settings.

The best news is that Jesus moved with us. In fact, it appears He came before us to prepare the way. I know it may sound silly, but I did wonder if I would be able to hear Him and relate to Him in a similarly intimate fashion here (Oh) as there (MD/DC). I'm relieved that He is here too, and that hearing Him is as easy as ever; to hear Him only requires constant conversation.

Well, that's it the update on life at our new outpost, Clark County, Ohio.

God bless ya'll! Jeff

Moving and Memories

2010-08-15T02:35:00.000-07:00

It's been more than a month since I wrote. On July 12 I confessed being brokenhearted. Today, I'm not sure about all the feelings I feel, but a big one is gratitude; I'm grateful to God for His perfectly choreographed series of no's, not yet's and yes's that we have experienced as a family over the past five years, six months and twenty-four days (since we moved into a home in the greater Washington D.C. area). This has been an unprecedented learning experience for all of us. It's been grueling and exhilarating; exactly what all of us needed to come to the end of ourselves and to the beginning of God.

Yesterday we saw 30-40 some men and women of the Waterboyz for Jesus, www.Waterboyz.org move the contents of our home onto two trucks (see photo album on facebook if you are interested). The neighbors are still talking about the remarkable way it was done. "Who were all those people?" WOW! Moved out in one morning. The first waves arrived about 9:35am, and the "finishers" left about 1pm after fitting our earthly belongings mostly onto one 26 foot Penske Truck (not a Budget truck, ala Tony Stoltzfus!)

But while our "belongings" fit onto a couple of trucks, our memories don't. Those we carry with us in our minds and hearts.

As I looked around the group that gathered I remembered rounds of golf, a trip to Myrtle beach, numerous "table" meetings where we transparently shared the struggles and victories of life, and a few men and couples whose marriages we'd served. And the number of folks we've interacted with for mutual impact is thousands more who we didn't know at all five years ago. God simply impressed on us to serve those He put on our path, and still those marching orders remain.

One friend took me to a quiet corner of the house to say goodbye. After sharing some memories and words of appreciation, he marveled at the way God put the plan together for us to move at the last minute.* I told him that the Ohio home would be our fourth in twenty years. "Will you stay there permanently?" he asked. "I don't know" I replied. We'll see what the Lord has and where He wants us to be." "I couldn't do that", he said. "I need my creature comforts, but for you guys this is a the way you live." He seemed shaken, maybe challenged; perhaps a bit scared that some of our willingness to respond to Abrahamic calls (get up and go the the place I will show you) might rub off.

But don't think it's all grand and glorious, and don't think we're lauding ourselves. The way I've done this leaves much to be desired. With hindsight there are some things I'd do differently. I'd fret less, grieve "losses" with better understanding that if God takes something away that He is freeing my hands for something better, and somehow be better for my loved ones by isolating less and not being so grouchy.

And there are numerous costs to living one's calling. One clear cost to us has been financial. We have nowhere the financial stability and security that we once had, BUT, our needs are met in an exceeding abundant way. We haven't missed a house payment or a meal. Just this morning I reminded myself to live one day at a time (thank you, Jesus), for God has promised to provide our needs. I don't have to see how He is going to do that, nor does He need me to instruct Him in "strategy prayers" (the kind where I tell Him how to do things). He wants me to live loved in relationship with Him, fully trusting Him to do what He says He is going to do. I want to believe...please help my unbelief!

Well, the sun is up and it's time to take Carly and Gabby to Wilson College. How do I feel about that? Glad, sad...you get it; the myriad of emotions that come with loss and change.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for befriending us on the journey (and allowing us to befriend you).

with love and blessings, Jeff

*On the morning of July 29 Jill and I surrendered our desire and plan to move back to Ohio. "If we don't have a signed contract to rent out our home in MD by August 21, then we aren't moving." Later that afternoon a Christian couple with two young children joyfully toured our abode. By that evening we'd agreed by phone to proceed with a two-year lease. The following week we signed to rent a remarkable home in Springfield.

2010-08-05T12:48:00.000-07:00

Absolute Surrender...the key to lasting peace

2010-07-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

Today began peacefully, but now I'm stressed and brokenhearted. Uncertainty about the fruition of hope for future provisions for our own family and the restoration of a couple's marriage; these are the sources of my distress. But, I know the anti-dote, and I've already begun to apply it...absolute surrender to the plans and purposes of God.

They say with age comes wisdom...at least the possibility of wisdom through learning. What I continue to learn is that I have very little control. My attitude is ultimately all I can control, but even that isn't said accurately. Actually, surrender of my attitude, perspective, desires, etc. and ongoing humble requests for Jesus to help me (to carry the load, to point the way, to apply the balm of his peace to my hurting heart) is all that I can do.

Time after time, God provides opportunities for me to open my hands to hand back to Him that which I want to count on...(i.e. procurement of a nice home for my family, "successful healing" of a crisis marriage), and time after time I get to remember that "neither he who plants or he who waters is anything...but God who makes it grow", and that "man can make his plans, but God orders his steps".

I found myself penning these words this morning in an email. "This is our hope and desire _________________, but if for any reason it doesn't work out, there will be no hard feelings. We will simply accept that God has something different for us." Are those just cliche words with which I attempt to pacify myself, or do I really mean them?

Looking back, I can see the good that He had in mind through many circumstances that didn't make sense at the time. Not that all disappointments of the past now make sense...some don't, but I'm confident that one day they will. For now we see, "through a glass dimly lit".

One of the greatest realities is that none of us know about tomorrow. We can simply embrace today...every moment, conversation, conscious thought and consecrate to His purposes. "Father, your ways our higher than our ways...your thoughts higher than ours". Just as Jesus, I will let you know what I want, and then surrender and submit the results to you. "Father, if there would be any other way but for me to drink this cup...but not my will; thine be done."

If I have nothing else...not the creature comforts I want...not the results of healed and restored marriages and families that I long for...I have Him. And He's enough. For some of us it takes having nothing else, or having hope interminably deferred to get that point. And so I give thanks for the lengths to which He has gone to give me Himself. If He gives more than that it's icing on the cake, not the sustenance I/we actually need. He is the all in all.

And so, it can be well with my soul.

On the daily journey, Jeff

A Lion Learning to Live Loved

2010-06-15T16:39:00.000-07:00

Six more months and we will have been married for twenty-five years!

But just like a soldier still in-country, even though they have a departure date for home; a safe outcome isn't guaranteed.

These were among my thoughts as I watched my wife suffer with pain and fever over the past week. "What's happening? Is she dying? THERE HAS TO BE A SOLUTION!"

I'm a LION, CHOLERIC, DRIVER...An Aggressive Problem-Solver in short. For such as me it is extremely difficult to watch, wait and pray. We want to DO! But waiting on Him and praying is the doing that gets things done in His Kingdom.

Living loved, meaning trust that there is ONE who loves me more than I can imagine, and has my best in mind in all things is a challenge, particularly because I learned to care for myself from an early age; not that I wasn't cared for, but enter divorce into a child's life, and inevitably there is a question about how their needs will be met...add to that either the physical or emotional absence of either parent, and you have the recipe for the child to make the decision that they'd better learn to anticipate needs and get real good at caring for ole' #1, SELF.

While such may be adaptive thinking and behavior under duress, it can cause problems in relationship with God and others later on.

But back to the point. The learning curve for self-willed, determined, aggressive problem-solvers such as I is steep because it is a path fraught with gauntlets divinely placed to exorcise self out of self so that there is room for trust in God; one who cares more for my SELF than myself. Does this make sense?

Here's how this translates in practical terms:

This week I watched my wife begin to become overcome with infection that eventually required emergency hospitalization to provide infusion of strong antibiotics. The Lion in me wanted to take charge to make things better. The loved Lion realized that God loves her even more than I do, and that He was on the job as her Healer, and that I would do best for Jill by cooperating with His plan and timing of intervention for her healing. The bottom line is that this required asking and listening to God as the treatment director rather than simply consulting myself. Where this gets complicated is in Him working through my/our temperaments to effect His will. So, I get an idea of something to do...is that me or Him. Only asking Him and learning to hear and feel His peace tells the difference.

While I definitely believe that He cares about outcome, I also believe that as important and precious to Him is our dependence, reliance and ongoing dialogue.

So, my conclusion for now is that living as a loved lion is to trust, wait on and submit to THE LION of Judah, one who has good for me and and wants to do good through me.

If He exalts me, in ways that most of humanity considers exalted (fortune and fame), I will praise Him, and if He slays me or ordains what most of humanity considers tragic, I will praise Him. I will praise Him in all things, and seek to hear Him, know Him and enjoy Him as I trust that He is working everything together for good. Amen?

Men Making Friends: Essential Relationships for Living Life Purpose

2010-05-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

I learned a lot about friendship the past few years during a painful season of pruning that God designed to build character and shape my/our calling. During this time I was often depressed, disappointed, and confused. I had little to give others in friendship, but seven men in particular gave to me anyhow. They invested huge quantities of time to listen and to encourage my hurting and confused heart. They didn’t judge, they always affirmed my value and character, and spoke of hope for a better future without using cliche. I can’t imagine surviving the season without them. Now it’s incumbent on me to give what I received (II Corinthians 1).

Male friendship seems to be rare, yet when it’s done well the participants describe it as priceless. Why is it rare? What makes it priceless, and how can a guy develop such relationships? First let’s consider why fewer than 10% of men report having a close male friend.

Individualism and the Anti-dote
I think intentionally dependent male friendship is rare among American men because we have been conditioned by the philosophy of rugged individualism ; the belief system that success is a function of self-reliance. As westerners we laud and admire self-made and self-reliant men, but in reality such independence isn’t Biblical. Rather, the members of the Body of Christ are designed and positioned to serve and support each other, according to the gifts they’ve been given,

I Peter 4:8-10, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms”(NIV, emphasis mine).

Life-saving Friendships
The value of sacrificial friendship becomes apparent when a man is down and out; when he is feeling defeated, hopeless, and doubtful about his worth and purpose in life. Scripture points out that a man alone in such circumstance is to be pitied,

Ecclesiastes 4:10, “If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” (NIV).

The men who made time to befriend me were a lifeline. Their friendship preserved my life, marriage and ministry. While I’ve named seven in particular, many more reached out at just the right time to speak a word of hope, affirmation and encouragement to persevere (these seven stand out because they were especially non-judgmental and refrained from unsolicited advice-giving).

Perhaps your life circumstances aren’t desperate, at the moment. But they might be at some point. Will you have friendships in place to help you up when your life gets tough? That will probably depend on whether or not you make a proactive investment to ask for friends, and to be a friend. The time is now.

Friends are Friends Forever
In the early 1990’s Tim Schofield took a risk by telling me that he needed a man like me to be a regular part of his life. “I need you in my life. If the feeling is mutual, I wonder if you would be willing to make our friendship a priority by dedicating time to really know each other and to help each other to grow and mature in relationship with God, our wives, children, etc.?” I accepted the invitation and enjoyed a deep 10 year friendship. While we’ve released each other to invest in other relationships per a geographical separation that precludes regular face to face contact, we remain “go to” friends who could unapologetically call each other at 3am if needed.

How Any Man Can Grow a Great Friendship
Worthwhile things in life usually require sacrifice and risk. Tim led me into an invaluable friendship by doing both. Expect to sacrifice and invest if you want a circle of great friendships.

1. Identify a guy (or two or three) that you respect

2. Identify the qualities that you respect.

3. Risk telling him/them that you need guys like him in your life.

4. Tell him/them that you are willing to invest time and effort in friendship.

5. Give what you would like to receive, for example:
a. Time
b. Transparency
c. Confidentiality

5. Define what friendship done well will look like, for instance:
a. Time spent in conversation about relationship with God, wife, children
b. Setting and sharing goals and accountability to grow.
c. Sharing and challenge about career and ministry
d. Enjoyment of recreational activities

6. Be proactive.
a. Ask for time together; put it on your calendar.
b. Suggest things to do together, and keep your appointments.
c. Dependability and reliability is huge. Are you known as a man who keeps his word, even when it hurts?

Fulfilling Your Destiny and Finishing Well
The bottom line about essential male friendships is about fulfilling one’s life purpose with integrity over the long haul. Think about the men that have enabled Tiger’s philandering or alleged doping by Lance Armstrong. Were these men friends to marvelously talented athletes and cultural icons? No, true friends would have checked these guys by confronting them about the short-sightedness of their fleshly ambitions and they would have advocated for integrity.

One can never have too many friends; true friends willing to invest time and energy in your life, and open to receiving the same in reciprocal relationship.

Finally, here is an instructive quote from an influential mentor, Jim Duffee, M.D.

I went to find a friend, but there were no friends there,
But when I went to BE a friend there were friends everywhere!

Training Wheels to the Tour De France

2010-04-11T18:56:00.000-07:00

As I climbed the next to last hill on my 30 mile ride today I saw a timeless scene that would make anyone smile; a little girl on a shiny bike with tassels, and training wheels, followed slowly uphill by her father on a bike himself. Learning to ride a bike...what a great day!

The young lady's smile told the story. She was joyful, proud and excited. As I rode by I either read her mind, or projected what her bedazzled face was saying, "Wow, look at that guy go!" I was moving rather quickly, attired in bright red, white and black cycling clothing. I spontaneously shouted some words of encouragement, "Way to go! Well done! Hey, that's how I got started!"

I pondered the last statement the rest of the way home. I was completing a loop of thirty miles. She had ridden maybe 30 feet, but she was riding. If she rides a lot, she will increase her stamina, strength and skill; with practice, she will become a more capable bike rider.

The young cyclist could become negative or cynical about riding if she took her comparison with me too far, such as, "He sure can ride a lot better, faster and further than me. I'm not as capable, good or worthy..." Or, she could take inspiration and begin to envision the possibility of riding real fast and real far herself.

Then my thoughts turned to a young man who has been chiding himself for being relatively spiritually immature. "I should be a lot further along. I've wasted time and opportunities, but I want to begin today to follow Christ in every part of my life." Hurray! He's in the game, and it isn't too late. Today is the first day of the rest of his life, and as long as he stays in the saddle and as long as he peddles, he'll become stronger and more able. That's going to make a huge difference for those who love him.

Where are you in the game? Well along or just getting started? Perhaps you've fallen in some way, like falling off a bike. Are you ready to get back up and get on?

Undoubtedly, the young lady I saw today will have tumbles and spills en route to becoming a proficient cyclist. But one thing is sure...if she keeps pedaling, she will undoubtedly become stronger and go further day by day. Perhaps she'll even ride in the Tour De France?

Pedaling forward,

Jeff

45...and counting...

2010-03-29T04:40:00.000-07:00

I turn 45 today. It's sobering. There's no denying that I am middle-aged. Much of the future I looked forward to as a youth has come and gone. I looked forward to going to college, getting married, starting a career and raising children. Each of these goals has been realized, and they are in the past. What now?

The past 5 years have been an unscheduled sabbatical; a season in the wilderness unparalleled and unprecedented in life to this point. But with the advent of Spring 2010, it seems that God has marked a path out of the wilderness; and I'm glad. Perhaps the final third of life is ready to begin?

One day at a time has become a centering theme. "For each day has enough trouble of its own", Jesus said in his Sermon on the Mount. His desire was to help us to live fully in the circumstances before us one day at a time, trusting God who cares for us to provide our needs, and to guide our journey. I love that Jill and I have learned to live like this, even if it's taken a long and arduous route through the wilderness to learn it.

Thanks mom for giving me life. Thank you dad for countless hours together in many activities. I have fond memories of my youth; baseball, golf, travel together...Thank you Dr. Green for rescuing my life from the umbilical cord that tried to choke my life before it began. And thank you to the extended community of believers at First Christian Church who helped to raise me and to shape my core beliefs.

There 1,040 Saturdays between today and my 65th birthday. 1,040 Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, etc. IF I am blessed with life on earth until then. God knows. How will I invest them for the Kingdom of God...for His people...for you?

Michael W. Smith's lyrics often come to mind when I think about the gift of life and its brevity. "This is our time, this is our dance, live every moment, leave nothing to chance..."

Near or at the end of life it is common to evaluate all that came before. Some die with regret, and some are fulfilled and content. What makes the difference? A lot has to do with intentionality about living one's life purpose. Mine, that I share with Jill as a team of two is, "To inspire and equip as many people as possible to live abundant, hopeful and pleasurable lives of purpose in relationship with God and each other." What will I say yes to (and NO) today that will be consistent with that purpose?

As the sun tries to rise through the rain clouds on my 16,425th day of life, I can't help but share a few books that are providing encouragement to live on purpose:

- Visoneering, Andy Stanley
- A Leader's Life Purpose, Tony Stoltzfus
- Good to Great, Jim Collins
- The Bible, God

What is the meaning of your days? What is your purpose and how fully are you living it? Here's a prayer to encourage you and me.

Dear God, I thank you for the privilege of life. I don't take it for granted. Today is the first day of the rest of my life...for how long? Only you know. Please help me to hear your voice and to see the path on which you would have me to walk. I want to live fully for you and for your purposes, and at the end hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant." In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Filling the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run (Rudyard Kipling, the poem IF),

Jeff

Deeper but not as Heavy

2010-03-09T03:33:00.001-08:00

Five years living near Washington, D.C. has been expensive. We left the Midwest U.S. with some financial leverage, but we're coming back with baggage. A perfect storm of circumstances have conspired to bury us deeper than we've ever been, BUT IT'S NOT AS HEAVY AS IT USED TO BE...

I celebrated this reality with a friend by phone this morning. Yesterday I prayed that someone would be prompted to reach out to encourage me. This morning at 5:40am a life-long friend now living in Spain "reached out" by the miracle of tele-technology to say, "I care about you and want to know how you're doing." I shared honestly for the next hour, concluding that the darkness is as dark as I've ever seen, and the depth of financial responsibility and need as great as we've ever known, BUT, "It's not as heavy as it used to be."

What a blessing to have learned to live under a heavy weight without being weighed down; for how can a burdened soul live in the fullness of the true reality that he/she is loved as an eternal being who is on a temporary temporal journey that daily affords the wonderful opportunity to tune in to and appreciate the ultimate reality.

Is there a more precious promise than this, Revelation 21:4 - He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Critics of Christianity have long leveled this charge, "They're so heavenly-minded that they're no earthly good." Truth is that we are called to be stewards of the work and material goods He has given us to manage, but to not become so entangled and encumbered in them that they steal the joy of the ultimate reality of God's ultimate goodness, the gift of salvation and the promise of eternal life. But Lord, how long until the dawn?

I'll conclude with some verses that always provide solace, and motivate reflection about the meaning and purpose(s) that trials and burdens can serve in our souls.

II Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV) - Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Reluctant Leadership: The Humility to Make it About Something Bigger Than Oneself

2010-03-08T02:25:00.000-08:00

The scene is from the movie Gladiator. Suspecting his death in the near future, the emperor of Rome asks his general to accept his appointment as successor to the throne.

‘With my whole heart, I do not want it’. The general answers.

The Emperor responds, ‘It is exactly because you don’t ‘want’ it that it must be you who leads.’

The point? Reluctant leaders are the best kind because they don’t ‘need’ the position or title. It is not fame or power that they want, and since those ambitions are absent they can lead with integrity, as servants, with the good of the organization and its members as their focus vs. their ‘own’ good.

Jim Collins, author of ‘Good to Great’ and other best-sellers on leadership and organizational development, describe this as the difference between Level IV and Level V leaders. Level IV is the larger than life, charismatic person with the unparalleled work ethic, who has pioneered a new venture, but commits the tragic error of failing to plan for succession of their leadership, and prioritizes the promotion of their own name vs. the mission of the organization. Level V leaders represent a synergy of personal humility and extreme ambition and will. Jesus appears to be a Level V leader.

Leadership is sacred but dangerous territory as it can seduce one to forsake their first love (Jesus) because the satisfaction of the work can easily compete with the satisfaction that can only be found in Him. Whenever that happens a leader is wise to step down or step aside.

If on the path of this temporal life I can best serve the purposes for which I was born by leading (as a servant-leader), and/or holding office, then I will serve wholeheartedly. If, however, when there is a person better suited to serve in that capacity, then I will humbly defer and submit to their leadership. Whatever is best for the ministry is what I want. In my mind, this is the ‘self’ subjugated to the good of the many, and the only way to walk in the footsteps of Christ, who came not to be served, but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.

Hidden Influence

2010-03-04T04:03:00.000-08:00

"Hey, you got some press the other day! ____ brought you up at a meeting of leaders, and then sent that thing you wrote to all of them!"

"Really! I had no idea." Upon further reflection, I'm glad that I didn't. That's not why I wrote that piece; and its not why I write.

The particular blog in question was written out of obedience to prompts in my spirit from His Spirit to put the pen to the page regarding the cost of calling with an encouragement to persevere. I wrote is as much as an exhortation to myself as to others.

Do we do what we do for effect, or do we do it out of obedience because we've been commanded to "Let our lights shine before men that they may see our good deeds and praise our father in Heaven" (Matthew 5:16), AND, perhaps more importantly, do we do our good deeds in secret, trusting that Father will reward us, and therefore not seek, clamor for or become disappointed when no recognition from others is forthcoming?

Motives...why do you do what you do? If other than for His pleasure, His purpose and His Glory may I be effectively corrected by ministrations of His Spirit...the same Holy Spirit that prompts toward good deeds.

I know why ____ didn't share that he was going to share my writing with others. Because that's not the point. It's not the point to draw attention to what we do for God, but rather to God Himself, to His Word and His truth.

Are you ok with hidden influence, or do you need the stage? Another friend confided that he could take or leave the stage, but he is in a season of life that repeatedly calls him to the stage. And so he is willing, time after time, to speak about the reasons for the hope he has, and to exhort large groups of people to work in unity for the greater good. That's what he's excited about...the mission, not himself as a man who gets to be at the center of it.

With a new day before us how will you serve His purposes? Quietly? Will you/I be content to exert influence in His Name, even if it is hidden?

Preparing to live the first day of the rest of my life (as the sun peeks over the horizon!)

Jeff

Resolve: Commitment to Do What You are Called to Do

2010-03-01T02:44:00.001-08:00

He introduced the staff of their ministry like this, "They are Christ-centered leaders who would pay to do their ministries because their passion and resolve to do it is so deep in their hearts."

The fact was that The Nehemiah Foundation, raised money to support these para-church ministries that were caring for widows and orphans and doing other effective forms of practical benevolent outreach to show the love of Christ. The workers did what they did not for money, fame, prestige, or any other lesser God, but for God in the name of Jesus. Why? It was/is what they have been designed and prepared to do. It is their calling; the way they demonstrate the attributes of the Living God and Loving Savior. They love others because they are loved, and their greatest reward is not thanks from those they serve, or appreciation of those who witness their service, but whispers from their Master that He is pleased with them, and that they are doing well.

I didn't get Wally's statement when I first heard it, "These leaders would pay to do what they do." But, I get it now. Do you? They aren't working for a living, but working for God, and trusting Him to provide for them. Such service is as pure as it was for Jesus' first followers: Mark 6:8,9 - These were his instructions: "Take nothing for the journey except a staff—no bread, no bag, no money in your belts. Wear sandals but not an extra tunic."

Why did Jesus so instruct His disciples, and how might it apply to us?

My opinion is that the magnitude of the mission for which He commissioned them required great faith. He instructed and empowered them to cast out evil spirits and to heal diseases, AND He commanded them to go into all the world to make disciples. On a daily basis their faith would be tested as they faced the 'impossible'. And on a daily basis He made sure that they would be exercising their faith muscles for daily provisions of a place to stay, food to eat, and even clothing.

How to ministries develop? Do they begin, and are they sustained by a good business plan that counts and covers all the costs, or are they birthed out of the resolve of Christ-followers that are compelled to do something specific because it is what they are called to do, no matter what?

My opinion is that religious programs are built, disseminated, and sustained by a solid base of funding, but that ministries which are birthed and sustained by the resolve and faith of those that would pay (and do pay) to do what they do better embody and reflect the heart of Jesus and his first followers.

The passage that got me thinking about this today was Mark 10:29-31. Perhaps it was these words of Jesus that inspired the hymn, "I Surrender All"

Jesus said, "Mark my words, no one who sacrifices house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, land—whatever—because of me and the Message will lose out. They'll get it all back, but multiplied many times in homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and land—but also in troubles. And then the bonus of eternal life! This is once again the Great Reversal: Many who are first will end up last, and the last first."

It is often said that the way of the Cross is a path marked by suffering. Did you catch in the verses above that not just blessings, but troubles would be multiplied? GREAT! sigh....well, at least He warned us.

So let's get this straight...suffering, sacrifice, faith for provisions, and a commission to do the miraculous in His name and by His power. Hmmm...this sounds...wonderful, scary, painful, marvelous.

We can be unclear about what we have been called to do or we can know and not be willing to pay the price? Which one better describes you?

Yesterday I followed a thread of conversation on facebook of called ones commiserating about the anguish of the adventure, and encouraging each other to persist. That's the bottom line of why I am writing this to you. Persist dear brother and dear sister. Persist in the face of adversity, challenge and the unknown. Do what you have been prepared and appointed to do. Renew your resolve this morning to walk in faith, to trust for provisions, and to embody the grace, truth, hope and love that you have been shaped and prepared to share with the world; one person and one appointment at a time.

Doing the journey, one day at a time!

Jeff

A Key to Living Loving: Die and Then Die Some More

2010-02-26T04:31:00.000-08:00

Like a runner who collapses one step past the finish line, I collapse when I cross the threshold of our home after traveling out of town for several days. It's time to exhale, to rest, and to be served...or so I sometimes think, and that's where the problems begin.

"What do I want? What do I need" I think to myself as I anticipate arriving home.
- hugs and affection
- a good meal
- an opportunity to share my feelings and reflections from the journey
- or maybe some solitude because I'm an introvert who needs alone time after periods of people-time

Not unreasonable, right? So what's the problem? Well, I'm not the only one with needs. Jill too (and the girls) are usually waiting to talk and to do some things on their minds. So...who goes first?

We're learning that when we are running on fumes, meaning that we are physically, emotionally and relationally spent, that we are both apt to want to go first. And that's a lot like trying to walk through the same doorway at the same time. It doesn't work very well. But what does work is taking turns. You go first, and I'll wait my turn. Die to self so that relationship might live.

Dying to self. Not just impatiently waiting for my turn, but truly dying. "If this need is never met by a human being it's ok, because I have you Lord. I can talk to you, find solace in you, and I know that you understand...you were a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief, and in you I have a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Now, the cool thing relationally is that when I die to demanding that my needs get met, then I am free to live loving by focusing on ways I can serve and meet others needs; and when they offer to give something to me I am free in my spirit to graciously receive what they offer as icing on the cake instead of obligatory (and possibly begrudging) fulfillment of my demand. Is this making sense?

For example: When I arrive home from a trip, weary or enthused (it varies by the nature of the day; whether it's been full of ministry vs. quiet reflection, and how the travel went) I can assert for my needs (rest or conversation, affection or solitude) OR I can decide to ask and discern how I can serve the needs of my family (hugs, conversation about events, tasks/chores, etc.). The latter is what I am equating to dying; dying to self (my desires) that others and my relationship with them might live.

To love is to sacrifice and to pay a price. Dying to self makes room for others needs to be met. When I live loved ("He loves me") I can more easily die to self and live more loving in relationship with others. What do you think? On a scale of 1-10 how loving do you live, and how is that related to your willingness to die?

Learning to live loved and to live loving,

Jeff

Engaging Relationships: How to Handle Offenses and Hurts

2010-02-23T03:17:00.000-08:00

What do you do when someone tells you something about someone else?

I had an experience recently that led me to ask myself this question. "How do I handle a conversation when someone complains to me about someone else; when they tell me that they have a concern, or that they have been offended, or when they denigrate or demean someone?"

We (Jill and I) were once part of a community of believers that had a covenant between us about how to conduct relationships. We were very intentional about how we handled situations like I described above. These were the guidelines:

1. We committed to not participate in a conversations where the topic became about someone that wasn't present.

2. We agreed to encourage the person with a concern about someone to approach the other person directly.

3. We promised to approach the person in question after 24 hours to ask them if the person with concern had spoken to them

The upshot of this was responsibility in relationships consistent with Jesus teaching in Matthew 18:15. Direct communication and direct confrontation.

"If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you..."

Admittedly, this full passage is directed at those that have sinned and offended, but it seems to be good practice for lesser concerns.

How do you think Jesus handled his disciples concerns about each other? Can you imagine the circumstance of one coming to him to complain about another? And how do you think he responded? My guess is that he re-directed them to the person with whom they had a concern, and that this was part of their training in relationships; to be direct with each other.

When a friend comes with the gift of feedback, I appreciate their courage and benefit from their perspective. It's easier to hear when they combine affirmation with concern. "I appreciate your heart and passion. And, because I believe in you and what you're about, I have some feedback about how you affected me and how I perceived you when _______." Such conversations help me to see myself and to grow.

However, if the same person comes as a messenger for someone else, all sorts of bad things happen. "Hey, a couple people have mentioned to me that they were offended when _______." OR "Someone you know well approached me but they're probably not going to talk to you, so I'm going to tell you that _______." Yuk. I really don't like this. Do you?

Why did the messenger listen to the complaint instead of re-directing the complainant?

How does it enable the complainant to remain immature in relationship?

What do I/you miss in terms of opportunity for a potent relationship because someone that supposedly cares about us offered feedback third-hand?

Unfortunately, to my observation, this manner of conducting relationships is common, and direct communication is uncommon. It is unpopular to do otherwise.

Here's my commitment going forward:

1. The moment someone complains to me about someone else (or tells me about how they've been offended, etc.) I'm going to ask them to stop. "My personal policy based on Matthew 18 is to not listen to gossip or slander about others."

2. I will urge the complainant to speak directly with the person they'd begun to talk about.

3. I will not complain about anyone or give a bad report to anyone about others. If I have a concern about something that has happened between me and someone else, I'll go to them myself or keep my mouth shut.

Will this mode of operation in relationships make me popular? Probably not. No one likes to be cut-off or somehow "corrected" about what they share with us. But, I'll have a clear conscience about doing my part to increase the potency and health of relationships, and I hope that I will increase my reputation for being positive and trustworthy in conversation.

Finally, there's another ramification to ceasing talk about others. We'll be free to talk about other things! Like what? Ideas, visions, projects to help others, to build the Kingdom of God.

Mama taught me when I was young that small people talk about people, bigger people talk about things, and the biggest people talk about ideas to help others and to change the world. In the context of having limited days of life to live, that's what I want to spend my time doing; changing the world in the ways God gifted me to do it. And if He prompts me to be part of helping another person to change themselves, I'll do it directly.

Learning and growing, Jeff

The HOLY ONE is Wholly Other

2010-02-10T16:41:00.000-08:00

Me and Jesus are nothing alike. He is Holy. I am NOT!

Sin abides in me. My very nature is to sin; NOT to refrain from it.

The Apostle Paul, one who was saved by grace (unmerited favor), testified to the abominable nature that resided within him, "It is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me..." and, "It is by grace that you are saved, not by works, so that no one can boast."

When he was confronted on the Road to Damascus, Paul (Saul) braced for deadly blows, that he deserved. But NO! Jesus graciously declared him His chosen one to proclaim the Good News that He (Messiah) had come, and to make this know to ALL men...even those that were beyond God's chosen people (the Jews). And still He chooses unworthy servants, such as you and me.

Paul was among the least likely to be conscripted to build Christ's Body, His Church. To date he'd led the charge to literally exterminate Jesus' heretical followers. But his confrontation with Christ on the road to Damascus left no questions about who was Lord and who was a servant.

Paul had a lot to live down; years of heinous acts against the One he'd been chosen to serve. And so it is for you and I...we have despicable resumes; don't we? At least in our minds and hearts if not in actuality (see the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5-8).

Consider the ways that you have been an enemy of the Cross; in deeds observable by others, and the attitudes of your heart. Be honest. If you considerable yourself good, you are deluded. Only He is good... and we are good only in so much as we surrender to His life within us.

My heart is not good. It is despicable, sinful, self-serving, unfaithful, etc. My only good, and my only hope is surrender to His life within.

Jesus, live in me. Be my every breath, my every thought, my every act. You are good. I am not. My only good is to embody and incarnate You; and for that, You deserve the credit and the glory, not me.

gratefully following, Jeff

*check out Mark Schultz's recording of "Holy One". I am deeply touched that He is so GOOD and so wholly other than me when I consider Him ways through this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkMg6vxWMJI

The Attitude of Gratitude or "Physician Heal Thyself"

2010-01-16T03:01:00.000-08:00

Recently I confided to a new friend that over the past few years I'd struggled with depression. "Give anyone enough disappointments, discouragements and disillusions and you can create depression" I said. "So, you're a counselor", he said, "What did you do?" "I struggled" I said. "But, I'm glad I did. I've learned a lot, and I'm much more compassionate with others when they struggle."

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (Jesus in John 16:33)

We are going to have trouble in this world. Life outside the Garden of Eden is difficult. Scott Peck said it well, "Life is difficult, but once you accept that life is no longer as difficult because you stop expecting what it is not likely to give you."(1)

"Ok, so you can quote hopeful and helpful things" my friend said. "What did you do?" "Well" I replied, "It's what I'm still doing. Taking control of my thoughts and making a conscious decision to change what I think about and how I think about things." The classic glass half-full vs. glass half-empty illustration comes to mind.

Disappointments and uncertainty continue, but they are on balance with blessings. Sole focus on the negative easily gives rise to anxiety and can plummet me into depression. So, what's the alternative? The choice to count blessings and live with an attitude of gratitude. Pollyanna(2) got this one right, and so has been immortalized as the founder of the infamous Glad Game.

Pollyanna was an orphaned child of missionary parents who lived with unreasonable and illogical optimism. When faced with adversity she played "The Glad Game". "There's always something to be glad about", she would say.

Indeed, the infectious little optimist was a forerunner of well-researched cognitive-behavioral therapy, the world's best and most effective non-medical treatment for anxiety and depression. In summation, it's primary postulate is "What you think about and how you think about it has everything to do with how you feel."

In fact, the Apostle Paul came before Pollyanna, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (Philippians 4:8).

One of the teachings of Jesus that I currently appreciate the most is to live one day at a time. The future doesn't have to be lived today, and the reality is that today is all that I can do something about. When reduced even further, I can't control today, but I can control my response to the event's of the day. I can choose what to think about and how to think about things.

I'm glad:
- that I have a relationship with Jesus
- that God has provided instruction about how to live
- that my family loves me
- that I have control of my attitude
- that....

What are you glad about? (Pollyanna)

On the journey,

Jeff

1. The Road Less Traveled
2. 1913 novel by Eleanor H. Porter.

The Challenge and Blessing of Flux

2010-01-04T04:20:00.000-08:00

We've made plans for 2010 to support our family and ministry. We're enjoying the excitement of fresh strategy, and we're even receiving some support for it (verbal and financial). It seems that God is giving favor to a two-pronged strategy of tent-making for support and ministry development.

Here are the objectives we have in mind (see below for what God is doing):

1. Support our family, and live on support as marriage missionaries
2. To commute (Jeff) between home in Maryland and Ohio
3. To provide direct service in counseling, marriage/life/leadership coaching
4. To strategically multiply the ministry of marriage coaching

BUT, much is in flux...or at least we think it is. God knows.

Yesterday a friend accompanied me to look at a potential office setting in Ohio. A decorative rock in the garden had this inscription, "Be patient, you are gaining wisdom". We saw it at the same time, "Is that a sign (message from God)?" he asked. It does resonate with my spirit and what I think I'm hearing from The Holy Spirit.

Waiting has never been one of my virtues. The narrative on my temperament assessment says, "Even state of the art electronic communication probably doesn't move fast enough for you." True. arrrgggghhhh....and so I've prayed to learn patience. Guess what that means? :)

But the blessing of flux and waiting is similar to the recently popular fitness program, P-90X, which is all about muscle confusion. It reportedly expedites fitness by disallowing adaptation, the body's response to being repeatedly stressed in the same way. In other words, we grow stronger faster when the demands placed on us are frequently altered.

And so, I'm sensing that this is still God's plan for me/us (Jill) as servants intent on following Him wherever He leads to do whatever He says. Jill confirmed this in a bedtime call last night (I am in Ohio and she is in Maryland). "I'm still up for the 'Whatever' Dance", she said. Cool. (The whatever dance is our way of thinking about the moment by moment choreography of our lives according to the guidance of the Holy Spirit).

About 10 days ago this thought struck me, (thank you Holy Spirit), "I know what we want a private counseling and coaching practice to be (a cash cow to support our family), but what do you want it to be, Lord?" Now there's a thought...ask God what He wants instead of making our own plans and asking Him to bless it.

So, we're watching, we're waiting, and we're asking, one moment at a time, and dancing the dance steps in which He leads us...and it's good.

As I read this morning in "The Good and Beautiful God", by James Bryan Smith, I realized afresh that God's greatest desire is not the success of our plans, but conforming us to the image of His Son, giving us the opportunity to wholeheartedly follow as His disciples.

Over the past two weeks, God has used the "muscle confusion" of travel, different beds, different routines, exploration of ways to execute our "plan" for 2010 and now temporary separation from my family to challenge my faith muscles.

While with some fellow believers to worship and fellowship yesterday I heard these whispers in regard to my questions about what to do w/ respect to "the plan",

- show up (meaning, show up in the midwest as you've planned), and
- be available for divine appointments

And so, while in flux, I'm at peace. Learning contentment in all circumstances is good, eh? I guess God has his own version of P-90X, and it's good. And sometimes, even if it doesn't feel good, it does us good.

On the journey,

Jeff

Invited to Intimacy

2009-12-31T09:51:00.000-08:00

During his time on earth, Jesus offended a lot of people. Why? The reasons varied, but the responses were similar. Those that became offended either turned away from relationship with Him, or they attacked Him. Eventually a mob called for his death...and all this about a perfect, sinless man.

John 6:66 is one of the saddest verses in the Bible to me, "From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him." How do you think it felt to Jesus to be abandoned by some in whom he'd invested time and given His love? Remember, he was fully human. How does it feel to you when someone you love or someone you've served turns away from you?

Scripture doesn't say it, but is is fair to infer that Jesus grieved as He watched former followers walk away. After all, he wept when informed of Lazarus's death.

But then the following verses in John (6:67,68) provide some consolation for the abandonment. Some remained faithful, "You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

Jesus still invites everyone to intimacy, but it isn't the romanticized Hollywood version of closeness that smacks of conflict-free infatuation; relationships in which there are no offenses, no hurt feelings, no broken promises or unmet expectations. No, the kind of intimacy to which Jesus invites us to is the kind where long-suffering is the rule, where truth is spoken in love, where mercy, grace and forgiveness lubricate, repair and ultimately sustain relationships that were about to be permanently fractured.

As 2010 begins, Jill and I embark on our 25th year of marriage with a new organization in addition to Grace and Truth; Great Relationships, Inc. is a not for profit dedicated to inspiring and equipping as many people as possible as well as possible for a GREAT RELATIONSHIP with God and each other (especially marriages and families). And as we focus on facilitating Great Relationships for others, we will endeavor to nurture our own marriage, family, extended family and friendships.

Will 2010 be without disappointments, hurts, frustrations, offenses? No, but invitations to intimacy will never be without these because openness about our honest thoughts, feelings and desires in relationship are bound to conflict with those of others. Misunderstandings will occur, angry words will be impulsively spoken, and immature responses will fuel the fires of brokenness. BUT, the great hope in all of this is in a man who was quite familiar with relational abandonment and disappointment; Jesus.

What did Christ do in response to the departure of many disciples? Did He change his method of operation by refusing to speak truth in love? "I can't do that any more. The other disciples might leave me and there where will I be?" No. He continued as a man full of grace and truth to invite and accept invitations to intimacy, and as difficulties occurred he modeled reconciliation.

Is relational restoration modeled any better than between Jesus and Peter? Betrayed in his hour of need by the impetuous fisherman, Jesus opened himself to further hurt and disappointment by looking on and speaking to his previously bold, now embarrassed and humbled follower...the same man who boldly stated the words above, "To whom shall we go?"

As the New Year begins, I'm sure of two things:

1. That the risk of intimacy, real risky and potentially life-giving intimacy in relationships is worth it.
2. There will be relational rejection and disappointment that I'll be able to do little about.

Some people don't want closeness. They hold you at arm's length, not wanting you to get close enough to see and feel their struggles and shame. That's what I've heard from the Lord this week; that sometimes what seems to be relational abandonment is really about fear, shame and embarrassment. So, my question is, how to be full of grace and truth in Christ-like balance such that I can have a clear conscience that any relational brokenness of which I am a part isn't due to my sin? Well, that's a tall order and probably impossible, but humility gets close to the answer, I think.

Just today Jill and I exhorted two partners in marriage to search themselves before the Lord and to ask His enlightenment regarding the portion of problem they bring to the relationship. It's easy to point fingers and to register complaints, but maturity in relationships seems to require the humility to examine oneself and to make the changes indicated when problems are discovered.

Here's a toast to more authentic and satisfying intimacy for you in 2010! I hope you will risk openness and honesty with others in a way that invites a similar response, and that some of your invitations and efforts are reciprocated by efforts of others to hear, hold and appreciate what's in your heart!

God bless, Jeff

Licking Wounds or Living Like a Warrior?

2009-12-11T12:18:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who trains Special Forces soldiers. His specialty is preparing them psychologically for fierce battle against overwhelming odds. One of the first things he does is to pour a gallon of cherry syrup at their feet. He says that the color and consistency of the fluid is similar to blood. The objective is to show the soldiers how much blood they can lose and still be able to fight. In other words, wounded warriors can still war on... "Since their job is to accomplish important missions, it is essential that they understand that even if they become severely wounded that they can still fight and make a contribution."

As a Clinical Counselor I know that any person that is put under unrelenting duress for a long enough period of time will evince psychological distress such as anxiety, depression, etc. While thresholds for stress vary, if one could orchestrate a series of disappointing, discouraging, and disillusioning occurrences for even the most optimistic person, the stress would eventually surpass their threshold for resiliency. I've seen it hundreds of times clinically, but until the past five years I hadn't experienced it myself.

The fact that I'm writing about this says something. I think I'm coming out of it. And, as crazy as it sounds, I'm glad I've gone through it.

How can one every really know what it is to suffer until they've suffered? This doesn't mean that non-sufferers or "not-yet" sufferers can't empathize with folks that are really going through something; it's just that those that have been there have a different look in their eye, a sober, realistic, "I'm sorry, I wish I could make it better, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy" type of look and attitude.

When the three D's (disappointments, discouragements, and disillusionments) pile on, it is common for a person to develop a negative view of themselves, others and the world. Granted, there are probably legitimate negative facets of all three, but for the person who is struggling with situational depression (the psychological and emotional response to a critical mass of the three D's)the negativity about self, others and the world is disproportionate. That's when self-preservation kicks in. A person is likely to turn inward and become self-absorbed in a way that perpetuates the depressive state. Not only that, but they're likely to begin living a prescription for depression.

When you query the details of daily life for a person that is staggering under the weight of three D's, you'll likely find that they have begun to live a prescription for depression. They are apt to forsake activities that were once highly pleasurable (e.g., hobbies and recreation, friendships, even sex), healthy habits (sleep, diet, exercise) and that they are essentially aimless and unfocused regarding goals for the future. Of course, the severity of dysfunction is on a continuum and varies with many factors, but you get the point; such persons are more apt to live a prescription that sustains depression rather than life as an energetic, disciplined and focused Kingdom warrior.

Personally, I identify with John Eldredge's depiction of a Kingdom warrior; a man made in the image of Jesus the Lion of Judah who lives for a battle to fight, an adventure to live and a beauty to rescue. And, I function best when I live a recipe for spiritual, physical, and mental prowess. This is where cross-training comes in.

Recently I've been hungry for adventure on my bike. During the first snowfall of the season in DC I was on my bike for a 25 mile jaunt. The wind was whipping and the mix of sleet and snow was pelting my face. My legs were burning from the cold, and I was very, very happy...fully alive, on the rivets of my physical capabilities with heart racing, adrenaline coursing through my body, and worship music ringing in my ears extolling the Creator of all that I was seeing and inhaling deeply into my God-hungry soul. Five miles from home I begged God to give me the strength an ability to make it home and to stave off hypothermia. This was an epic adventure and a manufactured battle to fight against the elements and psychological limits of endurance and exhaustion. And Eldredge's third element was present, too...a beauty to rescue. My thoughts went something like this...

Jesus fought his way to the cross. He was not a whimpering victim who begged for His life to be spared, but rather a willing Savior who was determined to fulfill His part of the plan to redeem humankind to God; one for all, once for all. He was a tough man, sinewy, rugged, and with callouses on his feet and hands from a physically demanding life that he engaged joyfully and successfully. AND, what one man can do, another can do. What He did I can do by His life in me. So, pedal on. Grunt, grind, strain, strive and move forward. Get home, pick up the pace, give it all you got. The life of the triumphant one is in me. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

I have a choice, and so do you. When we are overcome and overwhelmed with the D's we can lick our wounds, and become self-absorbed, complacent and undisciplined, or we can live a prescription that builds our capabilities as Kingdom warriors. And lest you think that physical discipline and training is enough, consider Paul's exhortation to Timothy (I Timothy 4:8) For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. The Kingdom warrior must not only practice physical discipline, but also spiritual disciplines of Bible reading, fasting, prayer, solitude, etc. Physical training makes it easier for me to say yes to other disciplines because I habitually do the things that my body doesn't want to and my mind says it may not be able to do.

Given our times, how should we live? Are you living a life worthy of the calling you have received? Are you habitually offering your body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing unto the Lord? Are you soaking in His Word and in His presence by letting your mind fly to Him vs. preoccupation with pleasure and acquisition? Where are you on the continuum between self-absorbed wound licking and living life as a Kingdom warrior? What it God calling you to do or to forsake as you contemplate what I've written?

My prayer for me and for you is that we would walk in His footsteps today, just one step at at time.

I John 2:6, Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

Perseverance

2009-10-18T05:36:00.000-07:00

We've received a number of encouraging notes and calls this week that have said about the same thing. They come because we continue to reach out to the local and trans-local community of believers for support, encouragement and intercession and perhaps as prompted by the Holy-Spirit. It is good to live out calling in community!

"Don't give up. You're making a difference in the lives of others and that's going to come with difficulty."

"I know you are warring against principalities and powers. Marriage done right is a powerful weapon against the devil."

We're looking to history, both Biblical and secular, for encouragement. What others have done, we can do.

First, the secular.

Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never--in nothing, great or small, large or petty--never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. - Winston Churchill

And now, the Biblical.

Jesus. He completed the mission He came to do. Period.

What one man can do another can do. By His life in us, as He strengthens and sometimes carries us...we can do, one day at a time, one conversation at a time.

Amen?

Persevering,

Jeff

Leading Only as You Are LED

2009-10-12T05:22:00.000-07:00

Recently I asked the Lord how much He wants to do with a vision He's given to Jill and me to build an organization to convene Christian Marriage and Family Coaches to pray with and for each other, to learn together, and to partner in initiatives to disseminate Christian Marriage and Family Coaching.

"I'll build it as big as your humility is deep"

He told me something like this before. In 2004 He used us to convene a group of clergy and community leaders to lead the development of a community marriage initiative, . After the first meeting I prayed and journaled, "Why do I get to do this" I asked? "Because you won't steal my glory" was His reply. It was both an affirming commendation of my character, but also a warning. I heard, "I know that it is in your heart to give to ME the Glory for bringing this to pass" and "If you try to take any Glory for yourself I will block it and discipline you."

I was talking with a friend last week about the an upcoming Association prayer and planning meeting. "I'm scared and excited", I said.

"I'm scared to become active in casting vision and convening people around vision again. I've been there and it can be great, but it can also be like Frodo's journey to do the noble thing he was called to do(Lord of the Rings); dangerous and difficult." Plus, I know that we cannot lead anything without subjecting those that follow to the current state of our character and comptencies. People get hurt and they eat the fruit of whatever God is processing in the leader's life."

"I'm excited because it has been 5 years since I was highly active in convening, vision casting, inspiring others to action for a vision from God. I'm a different person with better developed character and a bunch of relevant experience. I want to exercise those muscles again."

My friend is a leadership coach with a lot of experience observing and supporting leaders through undulating seasons of activity-preparation-activity-preparation... "I'm excited for the insights you've gained through this", he said. "A big challenge for leaders is keeping the humility they've gained once they become active in leading again."

The tension between working as it it depends on you (diligence, passion, etc.) and praying as if it depends on God is real. So how does one lead with all their might while simultaneously depending whole-heartedly on the Almighty?

The way I/we are engaging this round of activity is in confidence out of what we have seen and heard (signs of God's activity and sounds of confirmation from friends, and our own discernment in listening prayer before the Lord), and humility to the Lord's daily leading in regard to what He wants. We have vision and desires, but no foregone conclusions that we will marshal or manipulate people to accomplish because it is something that we want. We will invite participation, but after that it is God's to speak to and compel if it His plan to assign them to something He wants done.

This mode of operation seems to be a balance between leading as He wills us to while continuing in a prayerful listening posture that we lead only as He blesses. Does this sound reasonable?

It is God who wills in us to act according to His good purpose (Philippians 2:13)

AND "I have been (am being) crucified with Christ, and I no longer live (less of me is living and more of Him is living in me, day by day), but Christ lives in me (more and more as I surrender to Him day by day). The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God who died and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20).

How do you walk this tightrope of leading as you are led?

Jeff

The Work Within

2009-09-16T15:23:00.000-07:00

I've been on an unscheduled Sabbatical for three years. Brief tours of duty with two national ministries came to an abrupt halt in the fall of 2006. The shock to my system was severe. Imagine a train going from 100mph to Zero in a second. It's disorienting to say the least.

Mama always told me that if God is going to use a man that He'll crush the man. Sign me up??

So, what happens when a divine directive comes down to put you on Sabbatical from rabid "doing" for God? Answer: He begins to do a work in you. Question: Will you cooperate?

The seeming lack of productivity during such a season betrays the fact that much is transpiring within. In truth, it's a gift that few choose to give to themselves...a prolonged season of contemplation, learning, character examination and growth. Why? That's easy. Because it's so painful. Loss after loss, after loss.

Doing is addictive. The rush comes from being needed, being important, being adored, being...being...being...being somebody as validated by meaningful doing. But who are you and what is your value when that is absent? The truth is that all of those things are impostors for what we really need, and at the deepest level, what we REALLY want.

Rich Mullins sang, "What we say is that we need just one thing (Jesus), but what we mean is that we just need one thing more (possession, position, power, etc.). His satire referred to the insatiable appetite for all of the false gods that temporarily satisfy, but eventually fade. Hmmm....that reminds of a well-known verse. "Store up your treasures in Heaven..."

Every time my sabbatical has threatened to come to an end I've grieved. Something tells me that when it ends (and I do have faith that it will end) I'm going to miss it and be nostalgic for it. It's been a remarkable crucible that I wouldn't have chosen, but wouldn't have missed. There's no way I/we (yes, Father has been processing the wonderful woman connected to me) could have grown more dependent on God and learned the volumes of things we have about Him, each other, our life purpose (calling), etc.

When Papa gives us more to do there will come the question, "How will I engage doing differently?" Tom Wymore has made a significant contribution to my thinking about that question through his commitment to not do ministry on adrenaline, but rather out of peace. (www.tomwymore.blogspot.com). What does that mean? Simply stated, we won't press to do, but rather agree to do when invited and He puts His peace on it. That means lots of prayer and connectedness that we might approach the being/doing balance that Jesus modeled.

The experts say that seasons of hiddenness are followed by greater productivity than before (the bearing of more fruit). As good as that will be for the Kingdom of God, I don't want it to be the kind of fruit that satisfies my deepest hunger. Only He can do that in the deepest and best way, and that happens in quiet solitude. (Some would argue it's not so quiet when I break out in worship singing, :))

Who do I have in Heaven but You? (Ps 73), and Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere...

Learning to be content in all circumstances,

Jeff

Wanting What He Wants: Aligning with Papa's Purposes

2009-09-16T05:13:00.000-07:00

I'm pleased with a shift in my thinking.

Yesterday a friend mentioned that he is thinking about a project that I happen to be very interested in, and that he has 4-5 people in mind to invite to participate. My first thought was, "I hope I'm one of them", but then it shifted to, "But, God, what do you want?"

Several years ago I had a divine appointment with the founder of DivorceCare (www.divorcecare.com)an international ministry. I'd called on him as a provider of Christian Marriage ministry while working with The Association of Marriage and Family Ministries. Steve invited me to his office where he invested in our friendship for several hours. "As you enter your mid-forties, Jeff, you will have to begin to focus very specifically on the thing that God made you to do. Up till now you've been able to try lots of different things and probably thought like many strong and gifted leaders that you could do them all, but that's simply not the case. To make the Kingdom contribution that God has planned for you, you're going to have to focus."

He was right. Three years later I'm approaching 45, and thankfully, what I want is becoming less important than what He wants. Besides, I've tried what I want, and He has foiled my ambitions enough times that I'm finally surrendering to what He wants. At least it's close second to thoughts about what I want, as evident in conversation with my friend yesterday.

I know He works through our desires, and that the best we can do sometimes is to get our ship out of the harbor so He can steer it. Sometimes he steers in directions we didn't anticipate. That's cool. He remains all-knowing God, and the course corrections are His right, and they are good. Do I really accept that all things work together for good for those that love God and are called according to His purposes? (Romans 8:28).

It's fairly easy to ask ourselves what we want, and beneficial to ask our loved ones. But it can be scary to ask God. Why? Because perhaps he'll answer and then I'll need to make a decision to either cooperate or to resist. Still, at the end of myself and efforts to direct my life down the paths that I have wanted, I come back to the same conclusion, "Asking Him what He wants is a good first question."

Papa, what do you want?

Searching and serving,

Jeff

A Brutal Assault and Naked Warriors

2009-09-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

I found a quote today that I'm really excited about.

The story of your life is the story of a long and brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it. ~John Eldredge

It explains a lot, doesn't it?

I don't look for or find demons under every rock, but I don't dispute the Biblical truth that we humans have an archenemy who directs demonic legions to harass humankind, especially God's people, and especially those who know and attempt to live their purpose (calling).

How else do you explain minor relational irritations that devolve into painful silence and hopelessness? Untimely computer crashes, inexplicably lost documents, mysterious physical maladies, etc.

I know, I know. It's easy to over-spiritualize to the point that we absolve ourselves of responsibility to do maintenance on our bodies and office equipment, but it is reality that we're under attack even if we can't see the attacker, isn't it?

Eldredge's words strengthen and encourage me. While I don't like the fact that we are perpetual victims of a brutal assault, I LOVE that it is because the assailant does it because of Who we can BE in for our King and HIS Kingdom! That means my life has purpose, and that living a surrendered, consecrated on purpose life is very dangerous to our enemy!

I was reminded of the tragic suicide of my 36 year old friend (in 1997) the other day. One of the Waterboyz for Jesus, www.waterboyz.org told about a man who began attending a Waterboyz table this Spring after hearing the Annual 100-man choir. He showed up admittedly desperate, and then he disappeared...but only for a little while. Last week he resurfaced at a local Wal-Mart where he reportedly tried to call a few people to ask for help, but no one answered...then he fatally shot himself.

I was horrified. Someone reached out for help, but then effectively disappeared. Did any men from the table call to try to connect with him? I still haven't asked the man's name. In part I don't want to know because I don't want to find out that I was one of the men who dropped the ball...I'd rather think that I did, because I could have. Living apart from the reality of the continual brutal assault by the enemy it is easy to become complacent, self-absorbed, inattentive and numb. No, I want to live on the edge, just as I would if I were a soldier in enemy territory where snipers await an opportune moment to take a head shot.

I not only want to live vigilant, but also well dressed for battle. The same Waterboy who told the tragic suicide story also challenged the leadership group about going out into the battle dressed only in a loin cloth. Can you see it? Sorry. . kind of graphic...but you get the point. Unless we don the full armor of God, (the helmet of salvation, breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the belt of truth, the sword of the spirt, etc. Ephesians 6) we are naked warriors pretty inept to respond when under assault. You get the point.

No war is won by remaining in fox-holes. Fearful troops hunkered down under cover don't take the enemy's territory. No, just as at Normandy Beach, well-outfitted warriors had to get out of the boats, cross the beach and scale the cliffs to make inroads into the enemy's encampments. And so, as Michael W. Smith sings, "this is our time, this is our dance, live every moment, leave nothing to chance."

I weary of the attacks, but I'm thrilled that Jesus always leads in triumphal procession. His armory is stocked with effective weaponry, if only we'll gird ourselves up. And then to the fight with other warriors, back to back and shoulder to shoulder.

The bad news is that the god of this age continues to attempt to defeat and destroy our King's Kingdom. The good news is that our King will win, and we with him, in the end, but even now as we fight the way he fought.

Warring on, Jeff

There Will Always be Waves

2009-09-10T05:55:00.000-07:00

He is a career missionary in a third-world country. He and his wife could have made it big in business in their first-world home country, but, "We had a calling."

What is a calling? "An external call that comes from God that is for others."1

"When we first went, we took a couple of suitcases and slept on cement floors...but we were happy to do it because, "we were doing it all for Jesus."

Recently, they've faced expulsion from a country that would "end" their life work (of course it would carry on in so much as they have been depositing Kingdom seeds into people). Thousands of dollars have been spent on visa acquisition that has required extensive travel and marital/family separation.

"How are you with all of this?" I asked.

"It's fine", He said. "I've decided that there will always be waves, but that I'm not going to look at the waves. I'm going to look at Jesus, and I'm going to keep doing my calling." Wow!

Clearly this man was referring to Peter, who stepped out of the boat in faith to walk on the water to Jesus.

What do you do with that story? Do you admire Peter's courage and faith? Do you snicker that He began to sink? Can you identify with his desire and temporary success after getting out of the boat?

Do you have a calling that seems to be riding on the ocean swells of life? Are you waiting for the ocean to calm, or are you keeping your eyes on Jesus and doing what He has given you to do?

Interestingly, just last night I dreamt extensively about taking White's Ferry across the Potomac River to Virginia (a short cut to a section of northern Virginia since there are relatively few vehicle bridges in the area). Interestingly it was quite a long trip in my dream (in reality the crossing is about 10 minutes).

In the dream I just about didn't make the ferry. I was the last one aboard the last ferry of the day.

Then, my car, a little red 2-seat convertible (now I know it was a dream) was dangled over the side of the ferry by a hoist and cables because there wasn't room on board. Next, the crew served a meal to the passengers, but forgot to serve me. Finally, the weather turned life threatening with 15 foot swells as if we were in the ocean. My car was dipped into the water and barely saved. The ferry threatened to capsize but didn't. Finally, we made it safe to the other side. Hmmm...

An otherwise great night of sleep ended with an exhausting adventure...but I wasn't exhausted; not in my dreams and not in real life. Why not?

In my dream I prayed through the race to board the ferry. I didn't let adrenaline take over, but rather trusted God, "I'm doing my best to get there. If I make it, great. If not, I'm sure that it will work out for good."

Next, my car dangling. "It's just a tool for transportation, Lord. I know you will provide what I need."

Then to food, and I was hungry..."There's none left, sir. I'm sorry we forgot you." Oh well, again, He will provide. Maybe I didn't need that meal. Perhaps He has one for me that will be even better. Besides, you are the bread of life and living water. Help me to continue to partake of you during this journey and I know that I won't hunger or thirst."

Finally, the waves. "They look ominous, Lord. Will you save me?" silence, but a voice, "To live is to do my will, but to die is gain and to be with me." Ok.

Eventually, the ferry reached the other side. I disembarked. Off to continue in His calling.

The way of the Cross is definitely not easy. He didn't promise that it would be, but He did promise that He would be with us, that He would never leave or forsake us, that He would provide all of our needs, and that it would all work out in the end...All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose...and, to live is Christ, to die is gain.

Have you been called? yes. all are called to something in service of the King. If you don't know it, know that it can be discovered.2

Are you serving in your calling? No matter what?

Remember, there will always be waves...

1 Tony Stoltzfus in Coaching Life Purpose, available at www.coach22.com.
2 Life Purpose coaching focuses on discovering, articulating and living one's calling.

President Obama Talks to our Kids

2009-09-07T15:53:00.000-07:00

Our President wants to talk to our kids. Ok. What's the big deal?

Have you read his speech? http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gDqQJuGAC0Xb5hUlwfuOZ-0hr5_gD9AIL5680

I'm fine with my daughter being encouraged and challenged by President Obama. Do I agree with all of his other polices? No. But, his message to our kids about personal responsibility and becoming who they were created to be is solid.

Now, for an additional consideration...

The responsibility of those that follow Jesus is to live a life of purpose for the purposes He has for their lives. Is this a compelling idea?

The life purpose of the Christ-follower is to serve His purposes, not their own, or others (even if they are from the President of the United States).

This is the foundation of concern for conservative Christians, I think. They don't want their kids to be influenced toward temporal success when they are teaching for eternal success. Does this make sense?

How is this blog relevant to 'The Journey'?

I hope that you will be motivated to be thoughtful about the voice(s) that you follow. Jesus' voice is trustworthy, while His followers can misinterpret and misunderstand.

Can you accurately discern the voice of truth? YES! By His Spirit you can know and hear His voice!

While you listen to or read anyone's "speech", pray that Papa helps you to discern the voice of TRUTH, and to obey any directives that voice give to you.

Hopefully,

Jeff

Reaching up for Abba

2009-09-04T07:31:00.001-07:00

"She wants you to pick her up, dad." My fifteen month old granddaughter had toddled over to me as soon as she saw me enter the room. Her arms were lifted up reaching for me, and she was smiling. What a great feeling to be wanted for love. Children are unabashed in their efforts to get and give affection. I reached down to pick her up. She leaned in to get a hug, and turned her cheek for a kiss. Amazing!

Then, I thought about our heavenly Abba...Daddy who picks us up to hold us close. I'm glad He's there, and I'm glad that I know how to reach for him.

I was as despondent as I've ever been recently. Load anyone's life with enough disappointment, discouragement, disillusionment and deferred hope and it can take a toll. The slough of despondency is only a few thoughts away. Only Jill knew that I was in despair, but not even she knew how deep.

Notice what I said about thoughts? Happiness IS a choice. How we think about things has everything to do with how we feel. Do we consider our trials as pure joy? Or do we curse them as unfortunate obstacles to add to our list of disappointments?

I reached for the phone with the idea of calling a friend to vent. Papa stopped me. "Talk to me" I heard.

I'm fortunate to have a list of faithful brothers who will be there on a moments notice if I ask to bend their ear. It wasn't that I didn't want to bother them, but rather that I needed to reach for and connect with Jesus, the friend who sticks closer than a brother. As good of friends that I have (or that I can be to them), we're really only as good for each other as we manifest the mind and manner of Christ to each other. So why not go for the Man himself? I'm not saying that should be our only mode of operation. Talking truthfully to faithful friends is part being in fellowship with the Body of Christ. Confessing to each other and bearing burdens is commanded.

The awesome thing I've learned by daring to reach for Him is that He hears us when we cry, and He answers. Different people hear him differently, but all who want to hear Him can hear. He often puts scriptures in my mind. I count on the promised work of the Holy Spirit in this regard. John 14:26 tells us that part of the work of the Holy Spirit is to remind us of all that He has taught us. Cool! On a moment's notice I can be reminded of scripture that I have ingested...who He is, who I am to Him, my future, my purpose, His promises and His plan. Now, if consideration of all that doesn't drag one's spirit out of the slough of despond, what will?

I reached for Him again this morning as I lazily pedaled my bike through river valley and sunny plateau. What a blessing to soak in warm sunshine and breath in the unique scents of early autumn.

Have you been reaching for Him? There is a lot we can reach for...created things and distractions that provide temporary pleasure, but we're really missing an opportunity to be hugged, loved on, consoled and guided if we're not reaching for Him.

When we call on Him, He will answer!

Jeff

Conversational Generosity*

2009-08-26T13:27:00.000-07:00

I'm spoiled. Most of the folks I trust and feel closest to are Christian Coaching leaders that habitually ask questions and listen well from their hearts. Conversations with them are gratifying because they express interest in my life by asking and then hold my heart by generously listening. When caller ID informs me that one of them is on the phone I get excited, "This will probably be an encouraging conversation."

Contrast these conversations with the ones I have with folks that don't possess either the skill or heart to ask questions that draw out others thoughts, feelings and desires. To me it is like fingernails on a chalkboard. I can hardly stand it, particularly when there is a rare occasion to reconnect with friends from the past. "Why don't they ask any questions about our lives?" I wonder. It's dangerously depressing to fill in the blanks. "They must not care" I conclude. Well, maybe that's true, but maybe there's another explanation...maybe they don't know how!

I had a bit of a pity party for myself recently in a series of second-rate conversations. Topics were superficial, and even though most of my acquaintances from the past were willing to answer my questions, few asked questions about me/us, and the questions they did ask were ineffective. "How are you?" one friend asked. Before I could respond he answered for me..."good I hope". "Yeah, I guess" I replied unenthusiastically, and dishonestly. "Good". And he was off and running to the next anecdote about his life. I've learned to gauge the sincerity of such queries and to even ask, "How much time would you like to invest to hear my answer?" before answering. It is surprising how many say, "Just real quick, thirty seconds or so." I defer to another time, "Let me know when you have some time and I would enjoy a conversation."

You know how when you point the finger at someone that you have three fingers pointing back at you? Well, I'll just go ahead and confess that I'm guilty of being a conversational ball-hog in my past...but I'm trying to recover, and I'm finding that identifying with Jesus and taking His life more and more into mySELF is essential. "The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve..."

Back to my coaching friends...if you listened in to our conversations you would possibly gag at the Chip and Dale (cartoon chipmunk) attitude between us. Kathy Stoltzfus* coined this as Conversational Generosity.* This is basically the idea of truly sharing the time allotted for conversation. For example, "I appreciate you asking, and I want to share, but I also want to know about you." We could view this as a skill but it's helpful to look at it as a matter of the heart, too.

What kind of heart must we maintain in order to practice Conversational Generosity? One that is truly humble and willing to serve, I think. Go back to my non-asking friends. How does the conversation change when I forsake my "right" to be heard, turn off the self-pitying conversation in my head, and give myself over to asking and listening about their life?

Just before getting out of our car to attend a wedding recently, Jill and I prayed. "Lord, we are going to run across a lot of people from our past tonight. Please help us to leave ourselves in the car, that we might make the conversations you bring across our path about the hearts of others." Again, Jesus came not to be served, but to serve.

My solace after not being asked or listened to for several days was none other than the One who sticks closer than a brother...Jesus. "You understand this, don't you?" I asked Him. His reply was via a reminder of an ultimate compliment to our Lord, written by the one-time cowardly observer of His passion. "When they hurled insults at Him He did not retaliate. When they beat Him He made no threats. Rather, He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly" (I Peter 2:23). Not only did Jesus not complain about being rejected, he remained silent in the face of taunts, and restrained Himself from annihilating His abusers. And NOT JUST THAT...He FORGAVE them!!! "Father, forgive them. They know not what they do." Talk about amazing grace!

Ok, so what have I been whimpering about? Minuscule neglect in conversation. Is it really that big of a deal? Well, it's not as big as the matter of my heart, which is something I can do something about. While I may be able to influence/shape asking and listening of non-skilled friends by modeling, my first focus needs to be my heart. Lord, make my heart like yours; compassionate for even those that are not just neglectful and ignorant, but even those that are mean-spirited. They need to meet you, and it might just be through me. Please help me to not just behave with gracious skill, but also out of a tender and humble heart.

I want to close with a quote from the book referenced below:
The coaching approach forces your conversations to become less about your thoughts, your input, and how you can steer the dialogue around to the answer you think will work. You start listening--really listening--to the other person. You decrease what you say, so that others can increase And that's where the magic happens: the more you listen, the more you see how capable they are, how much they can do with a little encouragement, and what wonderful individuals they are. The more you ask the more you love (emphasis mine) (Tony Stoltzfus, Coaching Questions, p.8).

*Conversational Generosity was coined by Kathy Stoltzfus in her husband's book, "Coaching Questions", available at www.coach22.com. Kathy leads guided spiritual retreats for women that focus on meeting God in silence and in prayer. Contact her at k.stoltzfus@cox.net.

The Grace of Truth-Telling: How to Snatch a Brother from The Brink of Disaster

2009-08-19T05:44:00.000-07:00

A prevalent counterfeit for love is the god of "keeping the peace", and "not hurting anyone's feelings". How often do you shrink from saying what you really think to someone you care about because you don't want to upset them?

M. Scott Peck, author of "The Road Less Traveled" drew my attention to this neurotic behavior in relationships that is actually more hatred than loving. By definition love is willing to pay a price for the best interest of another, even if that means upset feelings or rejection.

I argue with God about this on a regular basis. Don't worry, He wins.

Before our second session with a couple we learned from the wife that the husband was behaving in a very untrustworthy manner. He'd stayed out an entire night w/out calling, and eventually admitted an episode of binge-drinking to "deal with stress". What had begun as ministry of marriage coaching to this couple to "improve their communication" was now a crisis situation with their marriage at stake. I prayed about it for direction, and wasn't surprised by Father's direction, "Go hard at him with the truth", I heard. Okay, Papa, but what if it upsets him, makes him mad? "That's my problem, not yours. The best way you can love him is to give him opportunity to feel godly sorrow that leads to repentance and life."

I told Jill to brace herself. "The first part of this session is not going to be easy."

Truth spoken in love, so that we might all grow up into the Head, who is Christ. Easily said. So why does it cause butterflies?

"We have two questions" I said to begin the session. "Is coaching the best approach to help you with your marriage, and do you have enough character to deal with and respond to truth in a way that will lead to godly sorrow, repentance and life for you, your marriage and your children? Are you going to come clean to embrace today as the first day of the rest of your life following Christ, and living as a godly husband and father, or is this the beginning of a story of tragedy?" Okay, maybe three questions...

He was dead to rights, and he knew it. After a bit of self-flagellation, he got the grace of truth, and asked help from us and his wife to become the man God wants him to be. So far, it's going well...one day at a time, one conversation at a time (with God, his wife and us).

One of the first things I did was to offer myself on a daily basis to connect around scripture. Do you recall Rich Mullin's lyrics about Scripture, "I did not make it, no, it is making me." The word of God is living and active..."All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (II Timothy 3:16, NIV). It is never a mistake to dig into Scripture to let God speak for Himself.

There are 31 chapters in Proverbs. Every day this man and I read the chapter that corresponds with the day of the month (today is the 19th, so chapter 19), independently. Then we SOAP it (Bible study method of Men's fellowship, Waterboyz for Jesus, www.waterboyz.org).

S - read the Scripture, expecting God to speak to you from at least one verse. After reading and praying over it, pick the verse He has brought out to you, and write it down.

O - Observe what is happening in the verse

A - Application. Pray for how God would have you to apply the insight and learning from the verse He is bringing to your attention.

P - Prayer. Write a prayer to God about what you have learned and to help you to apply to your life.

Example:
S - Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it it the Lord's purpose that prevails.

O - It is natural to have many desires, and even to try to plan things...ways to do the Lord's work, but ultimately, He blesses and furthers only the things that are in alignment with His purposes.

A - I want to align my activity with the Lord's plans. I don't want to do things that are good ideas to me, but not part of God's purposes.

P - Lord, please help me to line my life up with your purposes and your timing. I want to be part of what you are doing, and to live fully according to your plans for my life to serve others. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

For the time being (until this gentleman establishes a broader circle of support, encouragement and accountability), he calls me at an agreed on time, every day to share about a verse he SOAPed. During our chat he shares about what the Lord is teaching him, how he is convicting him, and how He is responding to Jesus, the ONE who is FULL of Grace and Truth. Cool, huh?

What to do that next time someone you care about is headed down a destructive path?
1. Pray for how Jesus would have you to engage them. Don't be surprised if He directs you to speak truth in love, clearly, candidly, pointedly.
2. Introduce the conversation as the most loving way to address the situation, and make sure they know that you are doing Father's bidding per your prayer over them.
3. Trust the Lord to give you the words to speak, grace to listen, and clear ideas about how to practically support and encourage your brother sister on a path of restoration and growth.
4. Walk it out. Be faithful to your promise to be alongside.
5. Look for opportunities to help them to expand their circle of supportive, encouraging and accountable relationships.

Friends, I share this out of the Joy I am experiencing as a watch a man walk away from the cliff, and toward Jesus to be the man God made Him to be. May He put such on your path, or use these ideas to help you to do well by someone He has on your path.

Forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead,

Jeff

Copyright 2009 Jeffrey J. Williams | Grace & Truth Relationship Education | Germantown | MD | 20876 301.515.1218, Jeff.GTRE@gmail.com

*Jeff Williams is a certified Christian Coach specializing in marriage and family. He also coaches mission and ministry leaders for focus, purpose and leadership growth. Write or call for complementary consultation or for speaking and teaching.

Coming Home

2009-08-09T07:42:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad to be home and thrilled that Jill and the girls are happy to see me! It is such a blessing to be loved and desired!

From the curb of Reagan airport in DC I could see Jill's grin from 50 yards away as she drove up to get me. We disregarded light traffic to enjoy our first embrace. At home Harley met me at the door with squeals and attempts to lick me. He was followed by my girls who didn't squeal, but did give me strong hugs and smiles. It's good to be home, where I am wanted and loved.

Our friend Rick (Moore) went home yesterday, too. He's been ravaged for a year by devastating melanoma (cancer), but yesterday he experienced the ultimate healing. He was greeted by Jesus and the angels, and restored to abundant health, given a new body, and will now await not only his wife, children and grandchildren, but also all of those that he helped to lead and influence for Christ through years of daily dedicated and quietly passionate evangelism through his life.

On the same day I said hello again to my family Rick said goodbye to his. I'm feeling very bittersweet today. He's really one of my first contemporaries who has gone on to be with the Lord. Dear Mary Lou, Rick (Jr.), Matt, Ben and Ashley, We love you and hope you feel our care and prayers...

What a good thing to be remembered in a good way. It is certain that the Moore family and many others will sob for their loss, but ultimately they will be consoled because they aren't grieving without hope. One day they'll go home too.

Upon your transition to eternity, how will you be remembered?

Living loved, living loving, and loving living,

Jeff

Goodbyes

2009-08-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

Tears are still drying on my cheeks as I write this post. I just wrote a goodbye letter to a friend of 20 years. He has weeks to live unless Jesus decides that it would be a better plan to heal him.

Rick Moore is father of four and grandfather to several more. He is one of the most generous, tireless and patient men of God I've had the privilege to know. In 2003 when God commissioned Jill and me to launch a community marriage initiative, Rick was one of the first names on a short list of potential directors to serve on the board to protect the vision and to execute the mission. That told me how much I think of him.

Rick lives in our former hometown, Springfield, Ohio. I don't know if I'll see him before he sees Jesus, so today I wrote a goodbye letter. Here's a portion:

Rick, I want to tell you that when I think about you I think about a life well lived for Christ, and that you have been one of my heroes for several reasons:

1.You have been a tireless and faithful servant on the board at First Christian forever.
2.You invested your vacations to go to camp to serve others at Butler Springs
3.You raised your family in the Lord.
4.You faithfully loved and served Mary Lou. When I think of a healthy and happy marriage, I think of you.
5.You can do the electric slide, .

The Church at Springfield (Ohio, several congregations represented) recently took fellowship, prayer and worship to the Moore home. Rick wanted to be with his brothers and sisters. The count for the evening was reportedly over 450 persons. What a great idea to say goodbye while still among the living.

Once again the brevity and unpredictability of life is illustrated. The story is all to familiar. Last year Rick went to the Dr. to have minor problem examined...

The point to me is to be about Father's business of loving Him, and living loving with others every breath, and to live without regret regarding how we invest our time for the Lord in the lives of others. Rick is leaving a legacy of Christ in the lives of many, and I dare say he will move from this life to the next without regret about how he invested his limited days.

God bless you, brother. Thank you for your quiet example of joyful faithful love and service to the King, your family and many others.

With love, Jeff

Bears, Rattle Snakes and Mountain Lions

2009-08-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

"There are a few things you need to be aware of", our host announced. "This is the Rockies where bears and mountain Lions make their home", he continued.

What had I gotten myself into? Several supporters of our ministry had contributed funds...for what; to send me to my death?

The setting for the first annual CMI (Coaching Mission International, www.coachingmission.com) retreat was surreal. Fifteen miles off the beaten path is "The Refuge", a remarkable facility built by a congregation of Christ followers organized as the ministry, "Christ in the Canyons". (follow us on twitter, 'marriagecoaches' or facebook to see some pics).

Day 2 of the retreat will not be forgotten..."Somebody help me, please...calm me down...I just about got bit by a rattlesnake!" Ginger, one of the intercessors for the ministry had gone in search of a spot where her cell phone would connect to her husband. In mid-conversation her peripheral vision noticed a bulging and slithering animal. A Rattlesnake was coiling to strike!! Somehow she backed away to a safe distance and then sprinted to the house. "Help me!" After hugging our dear sister to bring her blood pressure below the threshold for a stroke I ventured out to verify the serpent; armed with a dishtowel and wearing sandals I know I was formidable. Sure enough, there he was, a five-foot diamond-back with a rattle. Thankfully it slithered slowly away.

Life really is short, ya know? One moment you're chatting amicably with your spouse and the next fighting or running for your life (snake bites aren't always fatal). That incident and a couple of mountain bike rides along cliffs with ready made dens for bears and cougars shocked me into the reality that the length of my life is unpredictable and that I am vulnerable to forces that could accomplish my demise.

So what? What do poignant reflections mean?

As I sat with my planner and notebook after the snake incident it was easier to separate essential activities from optional ones. "If I die tomorrow, what do I need to have accomplished today?", I wondered. Thankfully, the answers came clear.

"Strategic investments of time and energy."

Since we literally have a finite number of hours to live, it is of paramount importance that we invest every hour into endeavors that matter.

What can I do to maximize my influence for good?

Is it normal to experience a bit of panic in one's mid-forties? Twenty years ago all of life was ahead of me, but twenty years from now I'm not guaranteed health or even life itself. It's time to do the things I was made to do!!

Today I invested my best energies in people. Two hundred and seventy minutes were spent on the phone. I coached two missions leaders, one wife that is reeling from her husband's mistrustful behaviors, a pastor who is supporting a separated couple in severe crisis and pain, and a man approaching marriage and middle-age without a clear plan for his professional and personal life. A day well-spent? I think so. Eternity will tell.

In the context of the reality that death comes unexpectedly, I want to invest every day in a way that might matter for others. If the Lord allows a serpent to usher me into eternity I want to have spent that day doing as much good for as many as possible.

Let me conclude by quoting John Wesley, "“Do all the good you can,By all the means you can,In all the ways you can,In all the places you can, At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,As long as ever you can.”

Filling the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run*,

Jeff

*from the poem, IF, by Rudyard Kipling

To Know and be Known - It Takes Time

2009-07-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

"I want to know you more than that", said my new coaching client. We'd traded 'life stories' as part of the initial coaching protocol. The task is to share significant events, formative experiences and relationships as a way to expedite the development of an authentic relationship. I asked him what he liked about sharing life stories, and that was his response. "I want to know you more than that. You told your story as if you were outside of it. Feelings were missing. I know some of what's happened in your life now, but not how you felt about it and what it meant to you. That would obviously take a lot more time, but that's what I want, and I want others to know me in the same way."

I've never received such obvious and excellent push back. Most clients are blown away by the power of trading stories. They're surprised that I'll be transparent about my life, and they love the opportunity to put their life in perspective to set the context for a season of coaching. But he wanted more, and his desire exposed my own complacency and perhaps the fact that I've allowed my wagon wheels to get stuck in a rut by traversing the same territory time and again. Has my relational approach to relationships become devoid of heartfelt meaning and emotion?

Most of my coaching experience is that clients initially experience intentional authenticity and focused reflection about their life as fresh, exciting and overwhelming. But this client is unique. He seems to be asking for more than an artificial ritual of relationship, and more for something that is real and really transformational. Do I have what it takes to give that to him?

In so much as I am drawing life from Him who is the deep fount of living water, I have something to give. But if I habitually drink only from the shallows of my own thoughts and my own ways I'll have little to impart.

I'm horrified to think that I may have made coaching into a thing, instead of a life-giving endeavor. But my client may have explained it well as he reflected on his conflict about how much and how far to press into the opportunity. "Maybe it's just the way it has to be when you try to summarize 44 years of life in relatively few minutes because of time constraints." While that may be true, it still isn't satisfactory. And that's where the primary conundrum about relationships lies for me. Knowing and being known takes time. Evidence that I want such with God and with others will be reflected in how I invest my limited days of life. As the worship chorus expresses, "Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere."

Here's to knowing...and being known,

Jeff

Enduring Their Conduct

2009-07-17T03:10:00.000-07:00

I wonder which set of parents loses more sleep; parents of infants or parents of young adults?

I awoke before dawn the other day, wracked with the myriad of emotions that indicate grief (anger, sadness, etc.) in regard to a circumstance in the life of one of our children. It's about a profound loss. No doubt they are sad and suffering, but so are we. As parents we can't help it. We hurt when they hurt.

Honestly, at 4am I felt more anger than any other emotion. "When are they going to get it?" I wondered. That's when God engaged me. "When are you? Do you realize how many fingers point back at you when you point fingers at others?" Hmmm. Now I really wasn't going to get back to sleep.

It wasn't until 7am during my weekly meeting with men (www.waterboyz.org) that God's perspective and His way came together through His timeless living and active Word.

Acts: 13:17,18
The God of the people of Israel chose our fathers; he made the people prosper during their stay in Egypt, with mighty power he led them out of that country, he endured their conduct for about forty years in the desert (NIV).

HE ENDURED THEIR CONDUCT FOR ABOUT FORTY YEARS IN THE DESERT!

Talk about long suffering love! God initiated a rescue of His chosen people who were suffering in bondage. He did miracle after miracle to save and provide for them (parting Red Sea, drowning the pursuing Egyptians, manna, meat, etc.) and what did they do? Time after time they forgot what He'd done, disrespected Him as God (e.g., The Golden Calf), and they whined about everything...AND HE ENDURED THEIR CONDUCT! Hmmmm...

How does God endure, and why? It is His nature. God is love, and love always hopes, always perseveres, always protects, always...by His love for me and in me I can live loving too.

What does He endure in me? How do I disappoint Him? How have I and how do I fail to seek or heed His counsel? How do I hurt His heart? How do I settle for less than best in the times I fail to make Him my first thought as my chosen confidant, comforter and companion? Recognition of this causes my pointing finger to fall to my side as the words of Jesus to the woman caught in adultery come to mind. "Woman, where are your accusers?" he asked. (They had walked away from the oldest to the youngest after Jesus challenged them, "You who are without sin, cast the first stone.")

Who am I to do less than to lovingly endure the conduct of my children when my Father in heaven endures mine? He loves me, and I love them.

It's okay to be emotionally distraught in regard to events in the lives of those we love (children, spouses, friends, etc.). But I must guard against self-righteousness, withdrawal and cessation of efforts to live loving as I endure their conduct. God endures my conduct, and He loves with perseverance..."Love always perseveres" (I Corinthians 13).

He endures because He loves. We endure by His Love for us.

Learning to love,

Jeff

The Limits of Grace

2009-07-08T14:30:00.000-07:00

It was 10pm and I was done for the day. It was time to curl up in the sheets, read for a bit and maybe have a little lovin’. It would be the perfect nightcap to a wonderful holiday weekend. Get the picture?

The last thing on my mind was the next day’s schedule. But it was at the top of Jill’s bedtime checklist, especially because I was going to be gone for a few days. One of my bride’s many God-given gifts is the ability to tie up loose ends. Do you see the making of a perfect storm? If only I’d been a bit more patient.

Something about the way Jill expressed surprise about me forgetting one of our appointments set me off. “Don’t you remember we rescheduled that?” Blame fatigue or my expectations that she would be as ready for bed as I was…the fact is that I wasn’t gracious. Sadly that momentary lapse cost US* for the next several hours.

This was a bad ending to an otherwise wonderful weekend. We’d enjoyed barbecue, leisurely walks and talks and some enjoyable episodes of affection. How is it that things can get so twisted so quickly?

Looking back, I have to admit that I’ve harbored an ungodly belief that grace has limits. It was 10pm, about the 16th hour of my day, and I didn’t feel like being patient with Jill’s need to clarify our schedule. “Do we have to deal with this now?” Besides I felt dumb that I’d forgotten, and I read into Jill’s tone. Still grace would have solved the problem before it got started. It wasn’t long before she asked for it, “Hey, how about a little grace?” It was a very appropriate request. In hindsight I’m sorry that I had to be asked.

It’s a good thing that God doesn’t limit grace, isn’t it? “Sorry Jeff, you’ve sinned one time too many. No more grace for you.” It’s unbelievable and unfair that it DOESN’T work that way. And since He doesn’t work that way, neither can I.

Learning to live loved requires acceptance that while we were still sinners Christ died for us; the just for the unjust, the lovely for the unlovely. And learning to live loving means that every thought about others is rooted in the reality that love continues to be extended even when we behave in an unlovely ways.

Jesus doesn’t demand perfection from me as a condition of His love and acceptance. If I’m going to walk as He walked then I won’t demand perfection from others. Rather, I’ll walk with Him and allow Him to work on my heart because it’s clear that working on it myself doesn’t work. And maybe, just maybe I’ll reach for strength in Him and allow Him to live through me, even after 10 o’clock at night!.

*US – capitalized us/US indicates the union of our relationship. My choice cost us; not me, not her, but US…our marriage.

When I'm with YOU

2009-06-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

"Daddy, when I think about the times I feel most loved and accepted it is when I am with you."

This simple sentence penned by one of my daughters completely undid me this past Father's day. I couldn't help but cry because I was deeply touched, stunned and humbled.

Quickly I began searching my memory for the times we'd been together in the recent past. "What did I do? What did I say?"

One on one each of our children is a delight; each are fun, funny, thoughtful, curious...and loving. But, I had no idea that simple courtesies and common conversation was having such a profound impact. AND I wondered about the times I did and said things that made her feel anything but accepted and loved. "God help me to live more loving."

I've thought of myself as anything but loving at times. So, I was truly shocked to receive a spontaneous affirmation that my saga to learn to live loved by God and to live loving with others is happening. Not perfectly, and not all the time, but enough to have an effect.

She feels loved. What more could a father want for Father's Day, or any day?

Papa, please help me to lean into your love. When I'm with you is the time I feel most loved and accepted. Please, somehow, help your love to leak out of me that they might feel loved too.

Jeff

A Good Idea or a God-Idea?

2009-06-19T05:48:00.000-07:00

My friends were puzzled about my relative silence. "This isn't like you. What's up?"

A portion of my quietness was due to information overload. The previous hour had been spent with two friends in the U.S. Sentate Chaplain's office (Dr. Barry Black) for a private meeting during which he shared many nuggets of God-given wisdom, including the following, "Everyday, Alan (his chief of staff) and I look out that window to see man-made monuments surrounded by God's creation." He went on to explain that man can do apparently great things, and pursue great ideas, but that it is all in the context of what God initiates, allows and blesses. "Alan and I are in this office by God's appointment to share His Word. We didn't put ourselves in this position, and any day He wants to He can remove us from it." The genuine humility of men who have every reason to be spiritually arrogant was humbling.

Another portion of my silence was due to the fact that I had been quietly praying in an attempt to discern if the idea's of a friend were good ideas or God-ideas. "You make a lot of suggestions to connect with people", I said, "But which of your ideas about connecting and pursuing relationship or ministry partnership are God-ideas and which are simply good ideas?" I asked. The implication is that only God-ideas are worth pursuing.

Alan chimed in on this thread. "Jesus only did what He saw His Father do" he said. "He never ran anywhere in his ministry, but rather he seemed to rest and retreat between active engagements with others." As Alan suggested, that's pretty remarkable, given the fact that He only had three years to launch a global, eternal ministry. If it were us we'd certainly have been running everywhere!

For whatever reason, I'm tired of chasing good ideas that come to naught. Maybe it's because I'm in my mid-forties, or because I've run on and therefore run-out of adrenaline in accomplishment-driven ministry pursuits to validate myself. Whatever the reason(s), I'm tired and therefore unwilling to expend energy on other than God-ideas. I think this is a good thing, and I think that God thinks it is a good thing. Coming to an end of self brings us to the beginning of Him.

"I'm rather non-plussed by the 'doing' of ministry" I confessed to my concerned friends. "I'd rather just be quiet and alone in conversation with God than to speak, teach, or even coach" I continued. Alan, one of my spiritual mentors for the past four years simply smiled and patted me on the back. "Hang in there" he said lovingly. This was said with wisdom born of experience along a similar path of spiritual maturity.

Does God work through our creativity? Certainly. Is every one of our ideas a God-idea? Certainly not. How can we tell? We can take them to Him and then we can listen.

So now, after speaking for a bit I'm going to get quiet again.

Praying you joy on your journey,

Jeff

A Heavenly Haircut About A Bloody Past

2009-06-12T06:52:00.001-07:00

She survived the killing fields of the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia, but her parents and siblings did not (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Killing_Fields). Ironically it was her survival of those horrors that stayed her self-execution when her husband of 20 years became unfaithful. "It is Asian custom to not talk about shameful things, but I thought, 'I've survived worse than this. Why would I kill myself?'"

I was an unsuspecting customer for a haircut this morning when the Lord decided to interrupt an ordinary morning with an extraordinary conversation.

My stylist's story is one of remarkable courage and perseverance in the face of malicious godlessness and sin. First a totalitarian government steals the joy of life with her family, and then her husband's adultery begins a season of living death for his once cherished bride and children. So sad, and still she survives.

I asked if faith had played a part in her survival. "Yes", she said. But what she talked about more than her faith was her loyal and compassionate customers in whom she confided her marital situation and thoughts of suicide. "For six months they listened, and even had me to their homes to talk. I felt cared about and they made some suggestions that helped me."

Hmmm. Heroic life-saving by a cadre of customers who paid for a service and paid back with priceless care and compassion. She groomed their heads and they held her heart. The result is that her heart continues to beat with renewed hope and emerging joy.

I don't know what deposits I left in my stylist's life today, but I know that this unexpected appointment reminded me about the way of life as a Kingdom special agent. "Anytime, anywhere, with anyone...be prepared to speak about the reason for the hope that you have, and to adminster the grace of God according to the gifts you have received."

Continually surprised in Washington,

Jeff

Daddy, Can I Have a Hug?

2009-06-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

They don't ask for hugs as often as they used to, but they still ask, especially when they are tired, anxious, sad or otherwise feeling the need to be loved or reassured.

It feels great when our kids ask for a hug without asking by opening their arms, sitting close, or leaning their head into my chest. Instinctively I wrap my arms around and squeeze. For a few moments all is well for them and for me as we simply enjoy a connected embrace that communicates thousands of words.

"I love you"
"I'm sorry"
"I've missed you"
"I hurt for you"
"I wish I could make it better"
"I forgive you"
"I wish I could protect you from hurt and disappointment"

Recently, each of our three kids reached for a hug within an hour or a day of a hurtful conversation or disappointing behavior. Since I'm personally on a journey of learning to live loved by Abba (God), I'd taken my hurt and disappointment to Him. Then, when my children came to me for a hug I simply loved instead of instructing or correcting. That felt good, AND it worked well as a parenting response. Simply loving them made space for self-correction.

"Daddy, I'm sorry for what I said. It was wrong and I know it hurt your feelings."

"No, you're right dad. It's not been an easy day, but it probably wouldn't have happened if I'd been where you asked me to be when you asked me to be there."

Jesus was clear that we would face many troubles in this world, and that we could take heart because He overcame the world! Day after day the challenges and disappointments continue. Personally, I'm learning when I feel angst in my breast to reach for my Abba. He makes everything ok by reassuring that He loves me.

Daddy, can I have a hug?

Learning to live loved,

Jeff

The 85% Rule and the Number One

2009-06-01T13:59:00.000-07:00

"I did the math on the faith chapter, Hebrews 11. Eighty-five percent of those who heard from God and who were commissioned to do something for Him had increased difficulty, heartache and problems in life after they were given their assignment."(1)

So, do you really want to get in line to work for God. It's not the stuff of Hollywood which takes people from the pits of despair to the pinnacle of success in two hours. No, it's more likely a long gauntlet which may appear at times to have no end (kind of like a few climbs today in the Catoctin Mountains that go up, up, up).

What's up with the processing process? Why does God put his chosen instruments through so much?

I was pondering this at the picnic table, my favorite post-ride resting place when I had some clarity. Jill and I know that we know that we know at least two essential ingredients that couples need to heal from desperate circumstances in painful marriages: Heart and Hope. "These are exactly what I often have trouble experiencing", I thought. "So many of my efforts that were full of hope and heart have not come to fruition. It's sometimes so hard to try again because I don't know how to get them back."

In an instant, the Holy Spirit arrived to teach me. "That's the point of the experiences I've given you" I heard. "You know how it feels to be absent heart and hope, and you know that you cannot muster it yourself; that it is something that only I can give. Turn to me and I will heal your heart, renew its strength, and give you hope, which is faith that I will bring to pass all that I have promised you, in my way, and in my time."

I know that God has orchestrated the crucible of the past five years. Had we known all that would be involved we wouldn't have chosen it. But the beginning of a loving, trusting and dependent relationship with Him makes all the difficulties, disappointments and disillusionment worth it.

Biblical patriarchs probably had little idea how much they would be studied and celebrated. They were simply struggling to be obedient to the God that had revealed Himself to them, one day at a time. That's the other number to remember, 1.

I can't imagine surviving deserts of difficulty without Jesus' wisdom about living one day at a time. Prior to a challenging mountain ride with friends today I was without heart and without hope in response to the visible world of circumstances, bills, etc. But, en route to the ride, I made a choice to embrace the day as ONE day that they Lord has made, and to rejoice and be glad in it. Because of this, I literally felt light on my feet and strong in my legs as we ascended climb after climb. It's amazing what a simple decision of the heart can do for one's entire body.

Are you in the process of being processed? Take heart. You're not alone.

Are you choosing to enjoy a loving, trusting relationship with God one day at a time? If not, that is a decision you can make right now, and each day after.

One. One God, One Son, One Holy Spirit all completely present in a loving way for us One day at a time. Thank you, Jesus.

1. Wayne Jacobsen, "The Adventure of Hearing Him", podcast, www.thegodjourney.com.

When I think of ME!

2009-05-29T08:20:00.000-07:00

It happens time and again. I take off on my bike, hungry for the open road, speed, freedom, the wonderful scents of nature, a physical challenge and emotional cleansing. About half an hour into the ride I ask myself, "What have I been thinking about?" The answer is usually the same, "I don't know" or "Nothing". "Well", the conversation with myself continues, "Why don't you think about something that matters?" That's when the dilemma arises; what to think about.

I could think about me; my life, my feelings, my thoughts, my desires. Or, I could think about God and others.

Yesterday I chose God and others, and it was life-giving.

Jill and I have been involved with several couples and individuals recently who are engaged in struggles for faith, for marriage and for understanding clear purpose and meaning in their lives. The enemy has been harassing them, and they need help to continue standing through the onslaught.

"I need to invest as much time and energy as possible in intercession for them" my spirit told me. Thus, I went through the list, one by one, praying over their circumstances, asking Father's protection and provision, and pushing back the demonic forces attempting to choke them.

As I strained physically to turn the cranks up steep hills, and focused my adrenaline to steer down exhilarating descents I invested spiritual, mental and emotional energy in prayer for others.

When I think about me I'm not thinking about God or others because it is impossible to dwell on two things at the same time.

When I think about God, Jesus and Holy Spirit I get lost in a peaceful joy that makes everything well with my soul, no matter my circumstances.

When I think about others I am walking in the footsteps of Jesus who put the needs of others ahead of His own.

God doesn't need our attention, but we do need to attend to Him. We were made to need Him.

Others are vulnerable to the enemy's schemes when they aren't in intimate fellowship with other believers and protected by our intercessory prayers.

What are you thinking about? Who are you thinking about?

Would you think about and pray for me? Know that I'm thinking about and praying for you.

Pedaling forward,

Jeff

Reconciling Relationships

2009-05-25T18:11:00.000-07:00

Papa brought her to mind. We'd been connected in a divine appointment three years ago to help each other to grow in Christ...and, we'd butted heads a number of times that led to periods of silence and separation.

Strong people are made by God for specific purposes, and the bane of our existence is conflict and relational brokenness. Why? I think it is incumbent on us more than other temperaments to learn love as the medium to convey our heart.

God's prompt to my spirit was to ask for a conversation during which I might apologize for words and actions that had offended and injured. With courage Father provided I texted my sister, "Would you be willing for a meeting that I might apologize and ask forgiveness?" She responded graciously. "Yes, I've missed you."

We met today. My sister gave me a warm hug and said she'd really missed me. I was stunned by the warmth of her reception. Her grace made it all the easier to say that I was sorry for all of the ways I've offended and hurt her.

It is rather remarkable how relationships can be repaired and rejoined when we submit to God's pruning of our hearts, and we act in humility to take 100% responsibility for our part of the problems.

Today's reunion with my sister was a miraculous resurrection of a God-given, mutually beneficial relationship that is continuing only because we have both submitted to God's way.

Who has Father brought to mind recently? Have you heard a whisper of longing to be reunited with a brother or sister with whom you were once very close? What happened? Was it a misunderstanding, or words spoken out of pain or immature passion? Take heart. Father knows how to heal these things. Ask Him for grace and courage to apologize from the heart and watch what He does.

God bless, Jeff

Fame and The Famous One

2009-05-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

"I want to make you famous."

I've heard this twice from capable people in the past 12 months. The first time my heart leapt at the prospect. We were in need of finances, and were longing for more people to know about what we do. GTRE (our ministry) evaluated the proposition for several weeks, but in the end said no because "fame" and the fortunes the promoter was willing to invest came with a price; bastardization of the message and method by which couples are strengthened and healed from hopeless places. It is God Himself who has shown up through us as surrendered instruments of His Grace to heal hopeless couples. No way could we sanitize our minstry of His name and His power in order to "advance" ourselves and "to do more good". We said no, and it was a significant moral victory. It wasn't easy, but it was a no-brainer, and it was an important lesson on the journey: God has control of provisions and influence, and will provide it if and when He wants us to have it. And, He won't require compromise.

The second time we were approached about fame was just this past week. I think this person has their heart in the right place. Their motives seem pure, but still the invitation feels dangerous. My spirit reacted immediately. "I don't want to be famous. It's a dangerous narcotic, and I don't want anything that could threaten my pleasure in You, Lord." I was surprised but pleased by the vehemence of my internal response. "Maybe I'm really getting it regarding the fact that He is the pearl of great price, worth more than anything this world can supply!"

My response to our friend was kind, but clear that fame is not an objective. "Certainly we want to share lifegiving truth and opportunity to grow and heal with as many people as possible. If the Lord wants to make His ministry to marriages known through our names, then I'm confident He will do that, but it is not something we will pursue. It could be something He would use, but I can't give myself over to it as a goal."

What does it profit a person to gain the whole world and lose intimacy with God?

I know this isn't an either/or proposition, but I do know from experience and testimony of others that money, possessions, and position are all legitimate threats to experiencing the reality of a loving relationship with God.

I'm thankful for the "disassembly" as one friend puts it. He chuckled the other day as I testified to the ongoing dissembling of my SELF in a way that leaves me with no option but to find solace in His love for me regardless of what I'm doing or how much I'm doing. For this reason, I celebrate a divinely orchestrated sabbatical from a rabid pace of doing in His name.

Bruce Wilkinson testified to the insidious nature of "doing" for God (Secrets of the Vine). He became depressed at the time his ministry became very successful. Puzzled, he traveled to visit his mentor. Immediately the correct diagnosis was made. The wise older man pronounced that Bruce had allowed his satisfaction in doing for God to surpass the joy of his relationship with Him. The lesson: Better men than me have succumbed to the seduction of doing for God.

Tom Wymore(1) talks about doing ministry absent adrenaline. I understand this to mean that he is as much at peace in his spirit on his back porch watching birds as he is while serving troubled souls during prolonged periods of healing prayer. That probably helps him to avoid "crashing" after "mountain-top" ministry experiences. It sounds like a worthy aspiration.

Fame? Only One deserves fame: The Famous One - Jesus. May all praise, glory and honor be unto Him, forever and ever. Amen.

1. www.tomwymore.blogspot.com

Making Space to Hear Him

2009-05-14T15:28:00.000-07:00

"I like hearing myself talk", my friend said. "But, I've been working at being more succinct to make space for others. I have good things to say. Others affirm that, but I don't get to understand what is in someone else's heart if I don't listen."

So goes the average prayer life, eh? We speak, He listens. We ask, He responds. We tell Him what we want, and He delivers; like placing an order to be delivered by FedEx the next day. Is this the kind of 'conversation' He wants to have with us? What about us asking and then listening. Or what about just simply listening. "Dad, I'm just going to hang out with You because I enjoy you and want to hear anything You want to say to me." If there is one worthy of dominating a conversation, it would be Him. Is my prayer life making space to hear him?

Today, a pastor asked me to recommend a marriage coaching couple for a marriage in crisis. I had two choices: 1. Flip through the rolodex of my mind to locate the most suitable couple, or 2. Ask God to give me the names of the couple(s) He has in mind for the marriage that needs help. I chose the latter. Why? I want to make space to hear Him before I hear myself. Sure, He gave me a good mind and common sense to be able to evaluate the pros and cons of referring to specific couples. But the point I'm driving at is a matter of the order of the cart and the horse. I want to ask God before I ask myself. Since I want to live in constant conversation with the One who made me and loves me, I'm choosing to put His thoughts above mine.

Jesus explained to His disciples that part of the work of His Holy Spirit is to, "...remind you of everything I have taught you" (John 14:26). He also assured the disciples that as they went out and had opportunity to speak to others that they would be carried along by His Spirit who would provide words needed at those times.

In other words, I think Jesus was saying something like this, "Guys, you don't have to do this Great Commission thing on your own. I'm going to my Father but you're not going to be alone. It's going to be like I'm with you. All you have to do is pray to hear my voice through my Spirit and I'll be right there. In fact, it's going to be better than if I was physically present with you because there are no limitations to the presence of my Spirit to be in many places with many people at the same time. I'm still going to be with you. Don't fret. Just keep the conversation going as if I'm beside you just as I have been the past few years."

The point? He is available and He wants to be involved. All we have to do is make it a point to converse with Him. Thus, my conversation about a marriage coaching referral went like this, "Lord, you know what the pastor said. Who would you like to bring to mind that might be able to help them?" It wasn't long before two couples came to mind. So, I wrote a note to both, and copied the pastor. It wasn't long before I got a call from one couple. "Would you be able to share more about the referral?" I called back, "First, I want you to know that I prayed, and He brought you to mind." "Well", he said, "I guess I'll thank God instead of you for the referral." Good.

Just last night I read a brief interview with Mother Theresa. "What do you do when you pray?" she was asked. "I listen." "What does God do?" the reporter asked. "He listens" she said. I'm still puzzling over that one a bit. Conversations in which we do more listening than talking puts the horse in the proper order, don't you think?

Well, I'm off to listen a little bit now.

God bless, Jeff

Living Loved and Living Loving

2009-05-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

I've puzzled over this phrase since Tom(1) first said it. "Live loved to live loving and love living."(2) It has been as difficult to memorize as nursery rhymes like, "How much wood could a wood-chuck chuck if a wood-chuck could chuck wood." But I think I've got it down now, at least saying it. Living it is going to be the adventure of a lifetime.

What does one do to "Live Loved" and why is it so important? Is there a formula to make it happen? Perhaps a 40-day venture of some sort? Maybe a Bible-study or a fast? Or stand on one leg and chant a mantra about Jesus? Maybe, hopefully, its a bit easier. (Would God really make something so important so simple?).

The men advocating this living loved thing have a few years on me, and a similar history to mine of making things happen by their will, work ethic and manipulation (it's what we resort to when our insatiable egos demand to be fed). But, they've abandoned the planned and controlled life in favor of God's plan to for them to experience His unconditional love and joy through real relationship and surrender to His daily nudges to give love to others. They have my attention. I'm all ears.

I told God today that I appreciate all that He has orchestrated to give me an opportunity to come to the end of myself. Tastes of success early on threatened to addict me to activity in His name, but knowing that, He took it away as any good parent would do when they see their child inordinately impressed with a toy, activity or a friend. The opportunity in the wilderness of silence and inactivity is to simply enjoy relationship with Him in a way that isn't adulterated by concern or desire about what He can do or what He can give. With that in mind, I want the desert to last as long and be as uncomfortable as it needs to be. I really do want to learn to be content in all circumstances, and no longer subject to the undulations of happiness and pain that are mediated by "success" and "failure".

What is success, after all? Micah 6:8 comes to mind, "To give mercy, do justly and walk humbly with my God." To walk humbly with my God. Back to the garden; walking humbly with our God.

Lord, please continue to orchestrate our lives in way that we can get You. What might it profit us to gain the whole world and lose our souls? Nothing. You are the pearl of great price. You are everything, and I simply want to know you.

Continuing down the road, Jeff

1. Tom Wymore, one of my spiritual dads, www.tomwymore.blogspot.com
2. Wayne Jacobsen, www.lifestream.org, www.thegodjourney.com.

Forrest Feels Like Writing Again!

2009-05-11T11:46:00.001-07:00

I feel like writing again. It's been four months of hiatus, and there are things I need to pen. Why? not necessarily for anyone else, although I'm going to let you in on what I'm thinking. No, mostly it's for me because I feel the pleasure of God when I write, and I understand things and retain what I've learned through reflection when I put them on a page. Are you like that too?

Some of you read my last Daily Grace and Truth devotional on January 26, 2009 when I compared my self-imposed sabbatical to Forrest Gump's cessation of running. Remember the movie? He runs, and runs, and runs, and increasing numbers of inspired followers run along and run behind. Then, in the middle of nowhere, U.S.A. he stops. The followers look quizzically at each other and then ask, "Why did you stop?" Forrest answers simply, "I don't feel like running anymore." Well that's what happened and it's been a good break. But my heart is calling me back to share a few more thoughts about my journey, and I hope in comments, emails, calls, etc. that you will share yours.

In a nutshell I am excited about the status of my journey to know God and to have a vibrant, real, satisfying and exciting relationship with Jesus. Honestly, I've been mad at God for not doing what I want Him to do, but thankfully He is breaking through with some truths about who He really is and how He really feels about me that is making all the difference to the point that what does or doesn't happen in terms of provisions for living or 'success' in ministry doesn't matter. What I am learning is this: He loves me. He always has and always will. What He allows and orchestrates in my life is part of the story He is writing for His Glory, and only He knows the script and the end. My part is to enjoy living loved so that I can live loving and love living. What I am learning about this is what I intend to post in this blog.

Are you on the journey?

The writing and speaking of several men has been instrumental for this segment of the journey: Wayne Jacobsen and Brad Cummings, www.thegodjourney.com (podcast), and books, especially "He Loves Me" (www.lifestream.org, free pdf or hardcopy), and Tom Wymore, www.tomwymore.blogspot.com.

I'm planning to write as God nudges me. That might be every few days or it might be several times a day. Not sure what He'll do, and that's part of the joy of the journey.

See you on the road,

Jeff