Birthday Reflections: The First Day of the Rest of My LIfe

Today is my birthday which is as good of reason as any to wax philosophical. I know, I know...I don't really need an excuse do I? Well, if you will indulge me, I'm going to honor my stream of consciousness...I really need to process some things. Birthdays alone prompt me to reflect on how I'm living, but there is more. This one converged with a visit to my father who is currently living in a nursing home. Jill, Laura and I got back late last after visiting him for the past three days in Minnesota.

It was dad who introduced me to the magnificence of today, and every day we are blessed to live, "What is today, son?", he would ask afresh, as if he'd never asked before. "The first day of the rest of my life", I learned to reply. I really didn't get it when young, but as the reality of middle-age has set in (I'm 46 today), and as I watch parents struggle with maladies of aging, it means more and more. No doubt our days are numbered.

As I carried the last load of luggage from the car last night I paused to look at the stars which were exceptionally bright in a cold and dark sky. "I wonder the number of times I'll get to see these on a night like this before eternity?" Please don't misunderstand this as morbid preoccupation with death, but rather the opposite; appreciation for life and the magnificence of it.

For me there was nothing quite like seeing my hobbled father, a physical shadow of a once exceptionally strong, passionate leader to bring home the reality of limited days of life...and to move me to serious reflection About how I'm stewarding it: What do I think about? What do I do? And how do I do it? The bottom line question: How well am I living my life per the calling I have received?

One of the benefits of aging is awareness of the limits of time and energy. And a birthday is as good of a time as any to hit the reset button for a fresh start. What am I compelled to start doing, stop doing, do more of and less of?

- More fun with friends and loved ones
- More time in prayer, on walks and in love with Jill
- More free time away from my laptop and blackberry

- Less fretting about provisions
- Less anxiety about patients getting well

- Start taking dedicated periods of time away from the office and home office (days and partial days OFF)
- Start every day with quiet time, reading and reflection

One practical action-step Jill and I have already taken was to adjust our schedule for more balance and variety. Still the the reality is that a significant internal adjustment is required to make the most of that structure, and no one gets it better for me than Phillips, Craig & Dean in the song, Let God be God. Check out the lyrics...I find them humbling and reassuring:

You said “Lights ON”
And a blinding sea of stars began to shine
You said “Birds SING!”
And a million melodies filled up the sky
You said "this world,
Spinning through a crowded Milky Way"
Well the sun comes up
And the sun goes down
And God doesn’t seem to need my help
But the One who holds the sea in place
Is watching out for every step I take

I think I’ll let God be God, I’m giving up control
Think I’ll relax, step back
It’s time for letting go
If you kept the universe in sync
A million years or so
Since the Keeper of creation knows
I think I’ll let God be God

You clapped your hands
The thunder rose and lightning filled the sky
You bring new life
A tiny newborn baby starts to cry
The tide rolls in and it rolls back out
And never has God needed me to help
The One who sees the sparrow fall
Knows what I need before I even call

I think I’ll let God be God, I’m giving up control
Think I’ll relax, step back
It’s time for letting go
If you kept the universe in sync
A million years or so
Since the Keeper of creation knows
I think I’ll let God be God

Yeah, nothing takes You by surprise
Never late, always on time
The One who holds the sea in place
Is watching out for every step I take